Birthday recap goes "yay"!

So! I had my birthday about a week and a half ago. I turned 18, which is exciting all on its own. The most exciting part of it though was my birthday present from my older sister...

A kitten!!!



His name is Severus, after Severus Snape of course, and his nickname is Sevvi. Funny story actually - the people we got him from said he was a little girl, so I thought Sevvi was a good way to feminize Severus... then we went to the vet and we were corrected. Ooops. Anyway, he's a playful, adorable sweetheart. He looks like a younger version of Midnight, which is both hilarious and terrifying, since he's picking up a lot of the same mannerisms from Midnight since we came home after my classes ended.

I love him so, so much. I bought him a new (green and silver!) collar since we realized the pink doesn't suit him quite as well. ;)

What else have I been up too.... Hmm, on my 18th birthday I went to my first pub and got my first legal drink with my sister and our roommate. Also, chicken wings. That was fun. And the weekend afterwards, two of our friends came down and I went to my first club. It was one of our other friends first time going as well, so the two of us sort of felt awkward and terrified together. Loud music and lots of people acting ridiculously, stereotypically "white college student."

So. That was that.

Being 18 doesn't feel as different as I expected it too. It was like, I expected to instantly feel much older and legal and able to do all of the stuff I'd been wanting to do since I was 15, but nope. No difference. I also haven't talked to absolutely any of the people who made it their life goal to talk to me once I was 18, so that's always funny (and a positive in the case of all but one! D: ).

I hope everybody's holiday season is going well. I'm just about wrapped up my Christmas shopping - just need a few things for my mom and something for my best friend, since he's such a pain to buy for. My exams are coming up next week, so I should be studying for those. Particularly Linguistics. I'm definitely not studying at all yet. Ooops!

This here is a complete and utter waste of both my time and yours!

I was having one of my lonely nights tonight and was a few paragraphs into a self-loathing blog post about being a forever aloner with no friends (it's one of THOSE nights) before I realized I need to get out of that mindset. So here I am. With a cheery post.

I have to wake up at 4:45 tomorrow to register for next semesters classes, meaning I should probably be asleep right now. Sadly, I'm pretty much unable to fall asleep before midnight, so I'm killing time by rewatching my favourite Minecraft video series (the Yogscast, for anyone who is curious). I'm sure how much I keep bursting into giggles at things they say isn't helping my body decide it's sleepy time, or helping my sister fall asleep as her room is right down the hall.

Speaking of next semester, I decided I'm registering for Sociology 1000, Linguistics 2600, Methods and Statistics in Psychology (I forget the number for it) and a history class about politics in Europe from 1750-1914, or something. Nothing terribly exciting, seeing as I'm only taking History 1000, Psychology 1000 and Linguistics 2300 right now. I'm actually doing fairly well gradewise. It's just the social aspect I'm still absolute shit at. The only person in the city I'm friends with is definitely still my sister.

My birthday is also in like, 6 sleeps or something! November 30th! I'll be 18, meaning I can legally vote and drink and all that lovely stuff that comes with adulthood in Alberta. My sister has something planned for my birthday, although I have NO idea what, and then on the weekend after it my mom is coming down, and so is one of me and my sister's friends. So I get to see them and stuff. I'm also going to buy myself a birthday present because STEAM SALES OH MY GOD!

This has been a terrible blog post better suited for my piece of shit tumblr than my real blog, but was posted here because my tumblr only gets 4 sentences max posts.

I have lots of excuses, honest!

I even made the excuses for my ridiculously long absence in a nice, tidy little list that I can show you and elaborate on each point! After you see this, there's no way you can be mad at my disappearance. I hope.

Reasons I've been severely neglecting my lovely blog

1) Reddit
I discovered and gained a full on addiction to reddit. I had heard of the site through two people that usually tend to know things I'll get addicted to, and I actually listened to the second one when he told me I should start going on it. Now that I've started, I can't stop. There are subreddits for EVERYTHING I love - the Slytherin subreddit is full of ridiculously nice snake-type people, for example. Also lots of funny pictures. I'm also not afraid to deny that reddit has COMPLETELY replaced tumblr as my place to waste time.

2) Making a Steam account
Another one of those things that some of my best friends have been after me to do for awhile now. I finally decided to listen to them. I will admit I only have... 8 games right now, but having more games I can waste time on is definitely a bonus, and Steam rocks because it means I can more easily play the games with people. AND ACHIEVEMENTS. I love achievements for no real reason other than they make me happy.
(speaking of steam accounts, if anyone wants to add me, my steam name thing is bumblelikeabee, just let me know if you're adding me before you do!)

3) Skyrim
Sort of a subsection of the "making a Steam account" but has consumed my life this week so much, I felt it deserved its own point. Skyrim is an absolutely fantastic lovely game that I had no intention of playing. I had been listening to my friend go on and on about how excited he was for it to come out for months, and then November 11th rolled around, and he was just playing it and everyone else in the world was playing it and I felt left out. So naturally, I whined to my mother to buy it for me. She did a few days later, and in the 6 days I've had it, I've played 32 hours. I'm doing better than one of my friends - he's played over 100 hours. There is so much to do in this game. I could write a whole blog post about it. Hell, I could write a whole series of blog posts. SUCH A GOOD GAME.

4) Actually doing schoolwork
I know, shocking. I'm actually doing relatively well - my disgusting history essay got a 90%, and most of my midterms ended up in the 80% range. I've actually been putting a little bit of effort into my grades for the first time since like, the 7th grade. Feels weird.


That's about it. I know it doesn't seem like much to anybody else, considering that it's just the normal stuff most people do minus any socializing (I literally don't know anybody in Lethbridge besides my older sister). To me that is a lot of stuff to do all at once, especially considering how much time I love wasting on video games... and reddit.

I actually have another blog post I've been half writing and half deleting for about a month now. I know I consider this to be my place to write down anything and everything that I'm feeling, but this one is just hard to write. It's even harder to imagine posting. One of these days I'll finish it, but since it's me we're talking about, it might now be for another month or two. Sorry about that.

I also considered doing NaNoWriMo this month, until I remembered how ridiculously busy my schoolwork was. Really, I had my essay, a midterm, and 2 assignments I had to do, and by the time I was finished with those, I was too exhausted to imagine trying to work on any of my novel ideas. I know that's a terrible excuse, but I can't handle intense amounts of stress.

I promise I'll try to update sooner guys. I missed this!

I don't think I like university so far.

So, since we last spoke, I moved and started university in a new city. That's exciting! Kind of.

Due to the fact I was painfully lazy in my last year of school, only taking 2 classes and barely working in them, I'm only taking 3 classes for my first semester in university. Psychology, Linguistics and History. Yay.

I haven't decided yet if I like my classes. I don't think I do, if only because I have to do things like wake up early and leave the house to go to them. To do that whole "waking up early" thing, I have to go to bed at earlier than 7am, which was my preferred, usual time all summer. I don't like this much change all at once. Therefore, I do not like the reason for change. The reason for change is university.

I'm sure some people expected me to start going out and socializing and making friends once I started school. I must assure you that is most definitely not the case- my body made sure of that. It decided I needed a disgusting cold right at the start of the year that is lasting about 2 weeks to ensure I don't seem remotely appealing to anybody. That's right, since moving here, I have said hello to literally 2 people outside of my family in real life. One of them doesn't really even count, because I went to school with her before I came here.

Yup. I definitely am living a real college life. ;_;

I miss Calgary. I just want to go home. :(

I got an award?! ME?!

So I log in, start up my blog about my travels, when I check the little box on the bottom of the Blogger homepage (does this box have a name? I like to hope it has a name) and read some of the posts of the people I follow. And oh my goodness, I got chosen by the fantastic Twitch of Twitchverse for the "I Dig Your Blog" award.

I never win awards. This is so exciting.



Thank the person who gave you this award:
Thank you so much Twitch! You were actually one of the first people who followed me, and I love reading your posts. We were BEDA buddies in April :D so many <3s.

Reveal 3 random facts about yourself:

1. I'm probably the only person I know who prefers an e-reader to actual books. So convenient.
   
2. I don't really like gum very much, but if I ever have it in my room, I always chew it compulsively.
3. Despite the amount of time I spend on computers, I'm an awful typer. I never learned how to do it correctly, and while I can type quickly, I make a lot of mistakes.
   

Pass on the award:

I'm not very good at the "pass the award on" thing, as most of the blogs I read don't read mine. I do know the lovely Chi though, who I'd like to pass this on too. She's great and so is her blog. :)

Thanks so much! I'll return to my scheduled Florida posts in a few days. :)

Welcome to Pottermore! (SPOILERS!)

YES! I got my Pottermore letter today. I checked my email as soon as I woke up, and ended up squealing so loudly my mom came running.



If anyone else is on, I'm using MidnightPhoenix157 as my username. Add me as a friend! I didn't manage to screenshot my wand sadly, but I have the screenshot of my main profile page, so I'll post that and just tell you about my wand using the extra information about wand woods and cores. Speaking of extra information, I'm not going to spoil anything, but McGonagall's backstory is my absolute favourite. I loved it so much.




Isn't it pretty? As you can probably guess, I got Slytherin. NO, I DID NOT CHEAT. I answered honestly and my gut on which house I was the whole time was right. I'm a Slytherin!



My wand ended up Larch with Dragon core, eleven and three quarter inches, surprisingly swishy. Apparently, that all boils down to this:

Larch: Strong, durable and warm in colour, larch has long been valued as an attractive and powerful wand wood. Its reputation for instilling courage and confidence in the user has ensured that demand has always outstripped supply. This much sought-after wand is, however, hard to please in the matter of ideal owners, and trickier to handle than many imagine. I find that it always creates wands of hidden talents and unexpected effects, which likewise describes the master who deserves it. It is often the case that the witch or wizard who belongs to the larch wand may never realise the full extent of their considerable talents until paired with it, but that they will then make an exceptional match.
- Taken from Ollivander's notes about wands.

Dragon: As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.
- Also taken from Ollivander's notes about wands.

Overall, I'm pretty excited about Pottermore so far. It's super fun. Brewing potions is fun, and while I'm not completely sold on the casting of spells, I think I'll get there. The artwork is absolutely amazing. I'm loving the "find the various objects" like Chocolate Frog cards and books. There's definitely some work that needs to be done (a bit more interactivity at parts, sound effects) but it's a great experience. Good luck to everyone still waiting for their welcome emails!

I leave on Saturday!!

I am extremely excited for Florida, can you tell? :)

To kill time before we leave, I've been doing mundane little stuff like getting my hair cut. Do you want to see it? Of course you do. You have no choice in the matter. That is why this is my blog.

I know, it's nice. I have a neat little bang. The observant folk may notice I switched back from my green glasses to my blue ones. When I had to get a new prescription for my eyes, I decided I liked my blue ones better and missed them. The switch was made. That is also when I got my prescription sunglasses, which I promise you'll see in the Florida videos and pictures.

Hmm, what else has been going on? Other than a severe change to my sleeping patterns (I am permanently stuck on 'sleep from 7AM until 3PM' right now) I think that's all that's new in the "what I've done" and the "random thoughts I've had" are better saved for their own posts. Speaking of new posts.

I will not be posting while in Florida. I know I said that before. Ideally, I will be doing a post on the 20th while we're in the airport before we leave, and another one on the 27th when we're in the airport in Orlando before we come home. This is best case scenario, and we all know how extremely flaky I can be.

That's about it, blog. I'll try to finish the My Little Pony customization I've been putting off. I was very upset as to how different the ponies they sell at stores are from the ones in the show, hair-wise, so I decided I was going to fix them. I still need to buy Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle though. :(

Late night Pottermore Sorting anxiety.

I, along with nearly every other Harry Potter fan, am waiting for my Pottermore Welcome email.

I know I will not get mine right away. I registered on Day 2, because I didn't even see Day 1's clue go up. But I still can't help but avoid sleep, spam refresh on my email account, and squeak when I see a new email. These new emails are never from Pottermore. They are from Tumblr, or they are from Facebook. To that, I have to say, "Stop reblogging my shit/messaging me."

I'm scared to get into Pottermore though.

I've always been very sure I was a Slytherin. I know that's what I am. Yet there is still this small part at the back of my mind nagging that, "You might be a Gryffindor! Or a Ravenclaw! Or even a Hufflepuff!" Not that I hate any of those houses. I love me some Hufflepuffs. I just don't feel like I can relate to them all that well.

On top of all that, I'm scared I won't get my email before I leave for Florida. While I am in Florida, I am going to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal. I will be purchasing stuff there, as my mother doesn't like me ordering merch off the internet. What if I go, and buy Slytherin stuff, and THEN I GET PUT INTO A DIFFERENT HOUSE?

This is the stuff that keeps me awake at night. :(

Brae has too many emotions.

I can't promise my timelines to be 100% accurate in here. While it's all things that happened, the order of it all gets a bit jumbled in my head. :(

I have a huge emotional... lump just sitting here in my head. It won't go away when I try to ignore it. It won't go away when I cry about it. And it won't go away when I remind myself it's useless. So we're going to try what I hoped would be the unnecessary last resort - talking about it. Due to the circumstances of me being utterly pathetic, the person related to said emotional lump is unavailable to talk to. Perhaps he is available, physically, but not emotionally to me.

I can already tell this is one of those posts no one reads and I want no one to read. Apologies in advance for utter lack of sense made.

I spend a lot of time on the internet. It may be due to my crippling anxiety with actual social situations, or it may just be that I tend to like the people I meet online more than the people I've been forced to interact with in real life. But the point is, I like to be online. I like to play video games online. I like to spend time with people on these video games online, and I like to become their friend. That is how I met him. It was a little bit over a year ago, when I was in a guild that I was happy with at the time and became increasingly unhappy with over time. He was a super nice guy- he joined with another guy and a girl, whom everyone assumed he was dating. He wasn't.

I ended up spending a lot of time talking to him. He was one of the people who could handle me on both my up days and my down days. He was there to stand up for me when idiots were bothering me. He liked listening to my stories, or at least pretended he did. That was more than most anyone else ever did and has done. I ended up developing a bit of a crush on him, which I knew probably wasn't the best idea because it was strikingly obvious to everybody he liked the girl who he had joined with.

I couldn't really help that I liked him though. We stayed friends. I continued to like him. I continued to talk to my other in-game friends. He made very, very good friends with another girl who I didn't particularly like. I tried to ignore that.

It was around then where the reason we essentially stopped being friends for awhile came up. I'm pretty sure this had taken place before I ever outright told him I liked him, although subtlety has never been my strongest suit. And because of that, I am sure other people knew that I liked him too, even if I was spending a bit less time with him than before (I tried to get over the crush, lol). I was just talking with 2 of my other female friends, when one of them just said... something. Something that still stings me to write or think of, and it's something I don't really want on my blog.

As soon as I saw that, I left the chat with the two of them. I began avoiding them, and because it related to him, I began to avoid him too. I ignored things he said to me, I logged off in the middle of him trying to talk to me. In short, I was outright rude. To this day, I don't think he knows why I was so upset with him and our other friends, and I don't think I ever plan to tell him. I don't consider what I did to be my proudest moment.

During that, we had one conversation. I remember vividly telling him that I'd had a crush on him. I don't think I made it clear how much of one, but I remember telling him. Then I went to go see How to Train Your Dragon, and cried during that over him. And over the movie. That movie is still one of my favourite movies.

Then we went on and off for not talking, then kind of awkwardly talking, then not talking again for months. He took a break from the game. Then he was back. Then he took another break, until... I'd like to say early July. This July. I know it was July because I was waiting to see Harry Potter. We talked for a bit and I added him on an instant messaging, because he was only back for a week.

It was then that I finally admitted the full scope of my feelings. And then proceeded to try to avoid him for a few days. Which has now turned into a month.

So I just feel very, very confused. It's obvious to me that I still obviously feel something, and it must be clear to him too. It's also very clear he does not feel something, considering most of our conversation revolved around the previously mentioned girl he spent a lot of time with, who I didn't like. I don't know how I feel right now. Maybe I'm just overemotional and a mess, but I feel like I genuinely was expecting something different when we starting talking again. And since things didn't turn out different, maybe I'm just moping around.

I don't feel like I could ever talk to him about all this. I feel like he wouldn't really appreciate it. And I think now that I've let some of this out, maybe I'll actually move past it. Maybe I'll be less of a pathetic, stupid mess. Unlikely though.

Why I am sadly not doing BEDA.

I really, really wanted to do BEDA again this month. Or maybe even VEDA, because one of these days, I'll stop feeling so awkward whenever I try to film a video. I seriously have about 6 tries on my camera of me starting my first vlog, panicking, and turning the camera off.

However, there are a variety of reasons this is a bad idea. First, I will have no internet for a week while I am in Florida. That makes it impossible for me to post a blog everyday in April. Secondly, I can't do it. I just have so little energy lately that getting up in the morning drains me. I have a ton of stuff I'd love to post, don't get me wrong. It's just that whenever I try, I get overwhelmed with the task, start crying, and close blogger.

In less stressful news, I got into Pottermore. I got in the 2nd day, with MidnightPheonic157. However, I managed to break that account. It won't let me log in. So I re-registered, twice to be safe, and got CrimsonProphecy22 and StarShadow144. I love all of my usernames, but if I discover any of my friends without them when we're able to log in, I will have one if not two accounts to let them use.

And that's the point where I got hit with the overwhelming fact that this needs to be remotely readable and I should just delete it now. Since the information is slightly important though, this post will not self-destruct, and will just appear in its terrible state.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Warning, spoilers.

I just got back a few hours ago from finally seeing HP DH P2. Which is a long, annoying name, and for the rest of this post, I will be shortening it to DH2. I figured right now is the best time to write something about how I feel, since I'm over the initial shock, but my body doesn't have enough tears left in it to start the waterworks again.

I'm going to start off and say I was absolutely terrified for this movie. Deathly Hallows was my favourite book, and most of that was because of the stuff that'd be happening in this movie. There were so many deaths that could have been handled poorly. Surprisingly, most of them weren't. DH2 ended up being my favourite of the Harry Potter movies as well. It was beautiful, and it had the right mix of the war and the emotional parts.

There are a few complaints I'm going to get out of the way first though. First off, the entire Slytherin house being ordered to the dungeons. As you all know, I am a Slytherin. I would have liked to fight. At least in the books, they were given the option (even if most of them left, some did come back). I also think that scene could have been a lot more dramatic, with everyone taking out their wands towards the Slytherins. I just generally felt that part was a bit of a let down. I was also EXTREMELY annoyed by the addition of Neville saying he was "mad for Luna". I'm sorry, but maybe it's the anti-Neville/Luna shipper in me, but I literally rolled my eyes at that part. It was just awkward, out of place, completely useless, and terrible. The last scene I was particularly displeased about was Fred's death. All you see is him crouching alone in the corner, before they're in the Great Hall and crying over his body. One of the things that made me even able to handle his death in the book was that he'd just forgiven Percy, the first in his family to do so, and was sharing a joke with him. He died laughing with the brother he never thought he could laugh with - not alone in a corner.

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I'll tell you what I loved. Everything else. The biggest highlight was Snape's memories. I feel like it was done amazingly. I was sobbing the whole time. I know they changed it a bit, but I think it was perfect.

I'm really still a bit too much of an emotional wreck to try to explain more about how I loved the movie. I'm probably going to see it next week, so I'll report back then.

Ponies are my one true love.

I have fallen in love with the new My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic TV series.

I know what you're thinking. You're judging me. I will allow you to judge me if you will just hear me out on this; you have to listen to why this show has become the thing that fills my daytime.

Backstory: As a little girl, quite a few of my toys weren't particularly female oriented. I loved to play with my dinosaurs. I had a Tonka truck that I enjoyed to play with. When I played with my stuffed animals, I related more to the boy characters than the girls. Pokemon and Digimon were (and still are) the greatest TV shows ever. My early love for video games still is the main reason I game so much today.

There were a few glaring exceptions to my "boy toys" preference though. One of which, that I have to assume was influenced by my older sister, was My Little Pony. I remember playing with her ponies. I don't think I treated them with the same kind of love she had, but I remember taking them into the bathtub with me on multiple occasions. I also remember watching the My Little Pony movie. Even as I rewatched it this week, certain parts were still in my memory. I remembered the witches- particularly the one that was always eating. I remembered Lickity Split not wanting to dance like the other ponies at the beginning. I remembered... the SMOOZE. Obviously, My Little Pony had been important enough to me to make a lasting impression.

Despite that, I was still skeptical of watching the new Friendship is Magic series when it exploded on the Internet, with the invention of "bronies"... a term that makes me wish I was a bro. It wasn't until I came across this blog post by my favourite former WoW blogger about the show that I decided to give it a try.

And boy, was I hooked.

If you bothered to click the article I linked, you'll see just why this show is appealing to adults/older than 5 year olds. If not, I'll sum it up. The ponies have personalities. It's possible to relate to them. I can see parts of myself in the ponies. There's also some fun pop culture references in there for the older than 5 years old crowd (the one off the top of my head is just how much the Diamond Dogs remind me of Gollum).

So, I will add my vote in the completely and utterly recommending this series to anyone. It's the greatest thing I've seen in awhile, and it's doing wonders on holding me off finally starting Doctor Who... which I will do when I have time. I promise. :P

Hiatus is done!

I apologize, I took a break from anything on the internet that required me to do ANY thinking for a few weeks, and I like to think I was extremely productive! I finished all of my homework for the end of the year (something I typically don't do) and am done, for better or for worse, my scary exam.

Now then. How have we all been? I've personally been pretty good. Busy, but good. I've also become painfully addicted to Tumblr, and spend way too much of my time on it reblogging things about The Hunger Games.

As for my terrifying exam- it was my English Diploma Part A. I had to write 2 pieces. One had to be a critical/analytical response (CAR) and the other had to be a personal response. The CAR had to be about a piece of literature we studied, personal response was a personal response to the poem/short story/picture they gave us.

We had a pretty easy topic I think - the role adversity plays on someone. Their ideals or something, I forget the exact quote. Either way, it was simple. I wrote my first essay about Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller, talked about Willy and stuff. My second piece was a short story based off the poem they gave us.

Considering the CAR is worth 15% of my overall mark and the story is worth 10%, I think I did okay. The exam I write tomorrow will be worth 25%, but it's just a reading comprehension. I'm most definitely not scared!

On Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss.

The picture of Jennifer Lawrence with the brown hair and Katniss attire was released today by Entertainment weekly. Seeing as that's the only thing I've seen on tumblr for hours now, I figured I'd share my thoughts about it. Here though, because this is too long for my attention span there.

First off, here is the picture in case anyone managed to miss it.

Initial reaction: OH MY GOD MY MIND MUST BE MAKING THIS UP THIS IS THE KATNISS THAT WAS IN MY HEAD. *long string of gush*

A few hours later reaction: Jennifer Lawrence looks like Katniss. I had already decided I was pretty sure I liked her after watching Winter's Bone and seeing her acting abilities, but this picture sealed it. She looks the part. She'll be able to act the part. She's going to be phenomenal.

I'm still waiting (im)patiently for the casting of Cinna, as he is probably my second favourite character. Just knowing that the filming is already underway though fills me with lots of joy. TOTAL props to the casting of The Hunger Games. You've removed most of my doubt (other than the cutting of Madge BUT I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT IN MY HAPPY POST).

In the essence of procrastination....

I made a tumblr. Just so I have even more stuff to mess around with when I'm supposed to be working on a GIANT ENGLISH PROJECT THAT IS DUE IN A WEEK AND WE'VE HAD FOR 2 MONTHS AND I HAVEN'T STARTED. WHY AM I SO LAZY.

Other exciting things that have taken place in Brae-land since BEDA ended:

1) We finished Hamlet in English! To most people, this isn't exciting news. However, I do not enjoy Shakespeare, and being done with that is a relief.
2) My priests raid group in WoW killed Nefarion. Defending 3 shattered worlds now, baby. ;)
3) That is actually all I have done. Aren't you glad BEDA is over?

I just wanted to check in, let everyone know my internet usage will be back to normal by the 18th, and I miss everyone. <3

On Osama

Last night, I tabbed to my twitter page, and was spammed with the following message:

"Osama bin Laden is dead!!!!"

It quickly became a trending topic, and more news about what really happened was revealed. Obama made a speech about it. I realize everyone in the world and their mother knows this stuff, so I won't get into it. I'm just going to say some of my thoughts on what I think might come next.

To the people that followed him, the way he was killed is going to look like an assassination. It's going to look like he was quietly hiding out and was struck down. It's going to make his followers more angry, and likely cause a retaliation attack.

I really have no idea what that could mean. It makes me nervous to even think about having a group of angry terrorists made even more angry. I do think his death was necessary, and the way it was done also probably was. Osama didn't seem like the type to ever let them take him alive and hold a trial for information or some sort.

Definite /salute to Obama for organizing this death and making it happen. I know this isn't ever going to repair all of the damage done to the families and friends of 9-11 victims, but having the killer dead is a good step.

Well, I did it.

I did BEDA. Despite expecting to fail by the first week, I finished without even missing a day.

I'll probably end up doing this again in August. I'll have a lot more free time without school, so it might even feel like less of a chore. There's also a chance I won't. I like to hope this has started a habit of me trying to blog more consistently, but it's unlikely. I'm going to try to keep at least 3 posts a week though. No promises.

I definitely learned a bit over the month. I learned that actually putting out good content more often than "when the mood hits me" is hard. I also learned it can be possible. However, I did also learn I can also post a lot of shit.

I'm going to be taking a few days off posting just because of needing a break. After that, I promise I'll be back. With semi-regular updates.

Thanks for sticking around guys!

Because positivity would be a plus.

Because I'm feeling negative, and need exciting things to focus on, here. Let's have a list of things to be excited for! Yay.

Things Brae is Excited for:

1) Graduating. Not the stupid "Walk across the stage a month before we actually decide if you passed" and definitely not for the banquet I'm not even attending, but June 10th, my last day of classes. And June... 22nd? My last exam.
2) Going to Florida this August. I like Florida. It's a fun place. I want to go.
3) Buying my new camera. I'm saving for it right now, and finally not having a terrible one will rock.
4)My birthday! I do realize it's not for like 7 months. But I'm allowed to be excited now, because it will be fun and exciting and I will be 18 and legal here. ^_^
5) Watching Pokemon movies. My friend gave me a DVD set that had 4 of the movies in it, and I get to watch them all. Yay!
6) Summer. 2 months of doing nothing? Yes pleeeease.
7) My mom to get back from Vegas. Really. I'm all for freedom but I don't like this.

I'm sure there are more, but that's all for today. I need sleep. :) Goodnight everyone!

People who actually blog this much all the time are crazy.

IT HAS BEEN 28 DAYS HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO FIND MORE TO WRITE ABOUT.

I apologize. Had to get that part of of my system.

Tomorrow will be the start of "Brae's first time being all alone for over one night" as my mom leaves for Vegas (AGAIN. Did I post about this before? I feel like I did) and I am a bit terrified. My sister will be home 2 of the nights, and I either get one of my friends one night and one the next... or just of my friends one of the nights. The awkwardness that would occur if they were both there at the same time would eat my soul alive.

Something absolutely hilarious did hit me today. I have two friends I used to be very close with (at different times though) that both live in Orlando. In case you forgot, I'll be in Orlando this summer. However, I am not on speaking terms with either of them anymore. What makes it so funny though, is both of them had both really wanted to hang out with me but I had no way to be there. And now... Yup.

Also. The happy weather we had earlier this week? It's all gone today. It's almost May. It's SNOWING. Calgary, why must you do this to me? I am so done with cold and snow. I want to wear t-shirts and dresses. Not sweaters.

Okay Apple. I forgive you.

I got an email from Apple today. Yay.

They said it can be an "alarming" to find purchases made on your account without your knowledge. Honestly, I'm tempted to agree with them. :P While they weren't able to refund all of the money, they're refunding the $24-ish dollars that was spent on poker chips on that stupid poker app (WTF THOUGH SERIOUSLY) and one of the other things for about $4. So. That's always exciting.

My account also was locked down to prevent any further damage. As I read that, I thought to myself "They already snipped my money, what other damage can they do?" before I remembered it's under my mom's name and out address and such. Then I decided I was very, very glad my mom's credit card wasn't linked to the account in anyway. That could have suuucked.

Other than Apple deciding to be nice... I've had a pretty uneventful day. Unless you want to consider the lovely argument I had with my ex-boyfriend, but I don't. Let's just say I don't think my personality is horrible. ^_^ Oh well. I'll get over it. :P

Gerard Smith, we'll miss you, man.

On the 20th this month, the bassist of TV on the Radio, Gerard Smith, passed away from lung cancer. At age 34.

About a month before this, it'd been announced he wasn't going to be going on tour with the rest of the band. It was said then that he was battling lung cancer. It also said he had health insurance and was receiving excellent care. I already was scared then. I know lung cancer doesn't just "go away."

After that, I didn't hear anything about Gerard. I just sent the band my best wishes.

Finding out Gerard hadn't made it even a month though hit me very hard. Hell, it's even hard to try to type this. I'd been listening to their newest album when I decided to look at the TV on the Radio website, and saw this:

"We are very sad to announce the death of our beloved friend and bandmate, Gerard Smith, following a courageous fight against lung cancer. Gerard passed away the morning of April 20th, 2011. We will miss him terribly." - TV on the Radio

We will miss him terribly.

Going through various articles posted since his death makes the pain of it seem more real. It actually happened. I'm scared for what might happen to my favourite band now. I can't imagine how much pain they're going through. Gerard was a friend to them.

On videos I've seen of their live performances, Gerard always was in the back. Facing away, towards his amp. The first time I saw a video of it, I was a bit confused. I still to this day don't understand if it was something related to bass sound (I'm not a musician) or if maybe he was just shy. Either way, watching one of the videos now and just seeing him there, in the back, playing his bass, fills my eyes with tears.

RIP Gerard. <3

FRIENDS OFF, APPLE.

Yup Apple. Friends OFF.

My iTunes account got hacked, or something. There was a 24-ish dollar purchase made on... poker chips. In some stupid poker app. WTF?




That isn't the only AWESOME unauthorized purchase. The bottom thing on there, some Archaic-something, was also not made by me. There was apparently some Pumpkin Camera shit? Or something? That was bought. Yay me.

I reported it all to Apple, but it still happened, I'm still mad, and I still can't buy stuff on iTunes now, ruining my grand plan that I had for today.

On the bright side, I have a cat in my lap being adorable. I have a friend who'd been avoiding me talking to me again. I might get my money back from Apple.

Things could be a lot worse.

I'm a "What if" kind of person

I will explain what I mean by that a bit better, but I need to start off with a story that made me realize many times, my what if's are never going to be true.

I've been friends with somebody, who we'll refer to as "R" for awhile now. His name does not start with R, stop trying to guess who it is. Anyway, I've known him since late 2008 or early 2009. We met online, as it is with many people that I know. The big difference with R and I was we had something in common- we'd both grown up in the same place.

We hadn't known each other, as he had moved to a completely different continent when he was 8 or 9, meaning I would have been 7 or 8. We'd also lived on completely opposite sides of the city, and my little 8 year old mind couldn't imagine anything bigger than my house and my school- let alone the other side of the city.

We hit it off as pretty good friends right away. Despite the fact our time difference put us about 10 to 12 hours difference, we'd usually see each other every other day or so in game, and especially on weekends.

Now is the point where I have to explain on why I'm such a "What if" person. For most of these friends I make online, such as R, there's a huge distance between us. Physically. Which can sometimes lead to us growing emotionally close. At the point of being such good friends, so emotionally close, I always think to myself "what if they lived here? Would things be different? Would we be different? More?"

Now with the way I worded that, I've now described myself as some desperate loser who just looks for people to hook up with on the internet - and I am most definitely not. I'm not saying this happens with every single person that I talk to. I promise. It's been a very small, select few. However, the small, select few have been enough for me to pick that fact up about myself.

Back to R.

He was one of those people. We stayed this good of friends for a long time. All of 2009. All of 2010, when he graduated high school and took half a year off. Enter 2011. Remember that R grew up at the same place I did, but moved when he was much younger? In early 2011, he moved back to go to college here. And suddenly, my giant "What if he lived here?" was happening.

Nothing did happen. We stayed best friends. We hang out once in awhile in real life. We still talk in game. I still occasionally think to myself "well, what if?" but by now, I do realize nothing well come of it.

Seeing nothing change though has changed a lot of how I look at my other friends. It's changed how I consider myself as well. It's made me think I read into things, because I did genuinely imagine some kind of different outcome. Can't change how things happened this time though.

My cake!

I had cake today. It was not as good as I imagined. As I expected.

Today was a pretty low-key day. I got some Easter chocolate and ate most of that, so between my chocolate and cake, my stomach is feeling a bit rocky. As I type this right now, I'm sitting on skype with a few of my gaming friends and discussing strategies for tomorrow.

I haven't sat down and talked to one of these guys for about a year. It's pretty nice to just talk gaming, and then other stuff, with him. He's one of those guy's who's super mean to everyone, but it's because he actually likes you. He's one of the only people who I let insult me without getting offended. :P

To be perfectly honest, everything else that's flopping around inside my head right now isn't really appropriate to put on my blog, because most of it is emotional shit I'm not sure of right now. :P

Goodnight blog. I promise to be more exciting tomorrow.

Cake cake cake.

Update on Minecraft: The server is up. Yaaay. Notch is still breaking the game, but it's unbroken enough for programmers to deal with it.

I've been having a lot of cravings for cake the past few day. Today was no exception. It was not made any better by this video appearing in my subscription box. For those too lazy to click, it's a Minecraft dirt/grass block. As cake. I want it, please and thank you!

I normally don't even particularly enjoy cake. I only really eat it on my birthday and my friend's birthdays. And I'll only eat chocolate cake. Or ice cream cake, but that doesn't really count. For some reason though, I've just really wanted to eat some.

I know as soon as I do, I'll be dramatically disappointed at how not-delicious it is compared to my mind.

Madonna is a good blogging soundtrack.

Update on Minecraft: Something Notch did made it possible to load my original save. However, server software for updating multiplayer still isn't up. Nin said he'll try again later.

Tonight's the first night in awhile I've been able to just sit and relax and not worry about doing homework. I have tomorrow off for Good Friday, which essentially just means I'll be up until about 5AM playing WoW or watching movies.

Today is also the first day this week I've actually felt something like myself, which is probably due to my best friend being the amazing guy he is. He really just fixed everything that's been going wrong this week and reminded me of the bright light that, I really only have less than 2 months left of high school.

In other news, my family and I decided when and where our next vacation will be. My mom, sister and I will be going to Orlando, Florida. We leave the 20th of August and come back the 27th. Just in time to get ready to start school at Lethbridge. Yay me.

OH MY GOD. Blogger decided to log me out there and delete the rest of this post. TECHNOLOGY. WHY DO YOU HATE ME.

Messy, messy mess.

My room is a mess, and I have no motivation to clean it. I hate messes. But I have no motivation to do anything.

In case anyone somehow missed it, I'm having a terrible week. I don't really want to throw ALL OF IT OUT ON TO THE INTERNET AND OMG PLEASE FEEL SORRY FOR ME, so I won't. I won't bring up all the big stuff, and instead just say- Notch, you broke my favourite game.

Now, in all technicalities, 1.5 didn't break Minecraft completely. It feels very broken to me though. For one, my main save file is gone. Boom. Deleted. I have it backed up somewhere, but it won't open when I try to.. play. For another, whatever the hell he rushed to get it out so fast so he could play Portal 2 made it so the server updating software? Isn't...happening. So I can't play multiplayer. I love multiplayer.

I'm a bit annoyed about that, but otherwise
This is where I stopped blogging and went to watch the first Digimon movie, and gave up with whatever point I wanted to make.

Now, I'm just going to say this- I love Pokemon. I don't get why so many people don't think you can love both Pokemon and Digimon. Did we clear that up? Good. Because really, how can you not think this is adorable?



Yeah, I thought so. Gatomon is adorable.

The first Digimon movie reminds me of how much more awesome life was when I was a kid. I mean really, I remember being on the edge of my seat during the countdown to destroy that virus-y one. I love Digimon. I miss this shit.

More homework.

I'm really bad at doing my homework when I need too, leading me to stay up too late finishing it. Which leads to me getting distracted and doing pointless, non homework related things.

Examples of Non-Homework Things I've Done Instead of Homework

1) Sing The Gummy Bear song. Loudly.
2) Spam Twitter with the Gummy Bear song.
3) Spam my best friend with The Gummy Bear song.
4) Finally closing The Gummy Bear song and turning The Lion King on as background noise.
5) Creating a new Minecraft world so I can feel like I earned some of the achievements.
6) Spamming my best friend about putting up the multiplayer Minecraft server so I can play with weather.
7) Singing The Circle of Life loudly enough to wake up my cat.
8) Googling myself.
9) Getting myself another bottle of water, just as an excuse to get up.
10) Reminding myself to get around to finally watching Tangled. Seriously, everyone seems to love it.
11) Trying to roar like a lion.
12) Giving up and going back to mucking around in homework.


Aside from being so lazy at homework, today was a relatively decent day. I actually feel like I have a half grasp on what we're doing in biology right now, despite getting 0/6 on my quiz. I can explain though - it was 2 multiple choice questions, but we had to show work. If you did the work but got the wrong answer? 0/3 that question. Wrong work, but right answer? 0/3 that question. I messed up the first one by CIRCLING the wrong answer, and did the second one wrong by thinking it was GREEN birds, not blue.

Stupid genetics unit.

My lips have been so badly chapped for a week now, despite the fact I've used a ton of chapstick. It's getting really annoying. And slightly painful.

Alright, I'm going back to failing at doing homework. Have fun everyone!

Watching The Lion King

Seriously, The Lion King is my favourite movie of all time. Forget everything else I've ever said I loved (okay, don't. I love those too). The Lion King is a classic. Did you know my old math teacher had never even seen it? Sad.

It's been a little while since I watched it, since I don't own my old VHS tapes, and I lent my DVD to a boyfriend who I broke up with, and that jerk never returned it. So imagine my happiness when I was messing around, going through people's tumblr's (a site I don't quite understand how to set up, so mine is...nonexistent) and found out a link to the whole thing posted, omgomgomg. None of that "Part I" bullshit. Bam. Lion King.


Edit: I removed the embedded because the guy who uploaded it said he was likely taking it down like, tomorrow. So you can settle for a link I hope.

LIFE'S NOT FAIR, IS IT?

For one thing, Scar is probably the most badass villain in anything, ever. Say what you will about his lack of actual power - a chart about which demonstrated here:



(I miss that blog. Image credit belongs to www.cwsargeras.com.)


No though. That lion knew how to do his shit. He didn't use scary muscles. He used his own cunning mind. His way with words. He made Simba run off with just one little sentence. BAM. His plan for Simba to get himself killed in the elephant graveyard? He wasn't even IMPLICATED. He gets Simba curious by telling him what's there, and gets him to not even tell Mufasa on him!

Another thing: Nala? She is probably the greatest chick in the world. She goes off to try to save her tribe, and finds Simba, who's supposed to be dead. She was like "YO SIMBA. STOP BEING DUMB" when he didn't want to come back, but didn't waste her time with him when he didn't seem like he'd budge.

In all honesty, no other Disney movie still makes me cry as hard as the scene where Simba finds Mufasa dead. No other Disney characters inspire me as much as Simba, Nala, and all the others. Props to Disney for making the greatest movie ever.

A week of homework...

In one day, is not a good idea.

I've spent all of today on and off doing homework. And plan to spend the rest of the night doing it. As such, my brain is so full of English homework about poetry I don't particularly care about, I have nothing exciting to say. So... first 10 things that come to my mind, go!

1) I am super, super excited for The Hobbit movie. I'm a massive LOTR nerd, and it... looks like it's going to be good.
2) I know I don't like talking about gaming on here, but... Tanking Heroic Chimereon was terrifying tonight. I had to watch CDs and watch the other tank's HP and his Double Attacks and... yeah. Scary.
3) There's a cupcake sitting on my desk. I would like to eat it. I think I will do that.
4) I'm kind of considering staying up all night to do homework, but I'd rather sleep.
5) I definitely have no focus on anything ever, whatsoever.
6) I don't like arguing.
7) I can't blog. :( /deleteblog.

Why I can't blog.

Blog Posts I've Attempted to Write Today

1. "Why Popcorn is the Most Delicious Food in Forever"
2. "Gaming, and Why It's Kinda The Best"
3. "Why I don't Write a Gaming Blog"
4. "Vegas, Again"
5. "Why TV on the Radio songs are so sexy"
6. "Why I can't blog"

Yup, it's past the halfway point on BEDA, and I almost gave up today. Meaning I would have lost, and I would have been mad at myself. Soooo.... yup.

That is why today's blog post is on the attempted list.

Airport signs are taunting

Evil, I tell you. They mock you as you walk.

I promise the Vegas recapping finishing is coming. I just have a mind blank today.

We got into Calgary today around like, 12:30 AM. I don't know the exact time, just that I was groggy and half asleep from using Gravol to sleep the whole plane ride. I was definitely not ready for a line up at customs, and even more not ready for the rude signs on the way there.

It starts out safe. You don't get any for the first 30 seconds. But then you get the first one. These signs know how long it's going to take you before it's time for your massive line, you see. And these signs lead a pretty boring existence, just watching people walk by them to go to this line. So they start mocking you.

"You are 6 minutes and 45 seconds away from Canadian customs" the first one will tell you. You think, "Alright, cool" as you continue to walk. About 15 seconds later, you stumble upon the second sign. "You are 6 minutes and 30 seconds away from Canadian customs."

You blink at this sign, wondering why the redundancy. You wonder why you need signs to tell you how far away you are. The signs continue onwards down this 7 minute-ish long hallway. Some of them are 30 seconds apart. Some are 15 seconds. Some are 25 seconds. But they're there, the whole time. Mocking that you have an annoyingly long hallway, and that you're tired, and you have a line up to get into the country ahead.

Stupid signs.

Thank you, airport

...for having wireless.

We got to the airport early, and since we are so very early, I decided to take my time to blog now, rather than have to rush later. This is both a blessing and a curse, as I have nothing to talk about (aside the final trip recap). It's a blessing as in, lots of time to finish! A curse as I have no excuse for it sucking.

No matter.

We're currently sitting around. I'm blogging, my sister is reading, and my mom is driving up her work-paid cell phone bill by texting. The guy across from us is also on his iPad and I can't help but keep sneaking looks over to try to see what he's doing. I'm creepy, I know. While we aren't on the plane yet, my stomach is starting to get that feeling it gets before and on airplanes. Icky and blah.

The people across and right of us have 2 little puppies in transport crate things. They are suuuuper cute. One is out of his crate and curled up on the woman's lap. It makes me really miss Midnight. I'm honestly more excited to see my cat than anyone.

Apparently it snowed while I was gone. Not looking forward to seeing snow. I hate snow. It's cold and icky.

...I got nothing else. See everyone tomorrow! <3

My IPad deleted my post.

So because it did that, there is no good post today. Just a mini post.

I just finished drinking a yummy Starbucks and am considering a nap. Tonight we go to a show. I'm also massively craving ice cream. Again. :P I have a teeny bit of a sunburn which is stinging, and I wish I could take a nap. I bought pretzel M&M's, which I hadn't seen in Canada, and they weren't too bad.

This post is so bad. Angst angst angst. I'm lonely. This can't even qualify as a blog post....stupid iPad.

Ice cream is delicious

Day One of Vegas is half-ish done.

Last night, after we landed, we got to our hotel and had a bit of a scare. The uninformed idiot at the front desk told us that there was no Wi-Fi... Yuuuuuup. We were about to be mad, until when we were up in the room, my mom said to check. I did. There was internet (aka the reason you're reading this).

After that fiasco, we changed into clothes that actually weren't made for winter and I took my mom on the roller coaster at New York, New York. She claims now that she did it, she wasn't nervous at all, but she was terrified. She did end up loving it though. I personally love all roller coasters, so it was fun for me as well.

By then, we were honestly just exhausted, and went to bed early. I ended up waking up around 7AM though, and was dressed before my mom was even out of bed. We went down to eat breakfast at the buffet in the hotel. I did, in fact, end up eating way too much bacon. As my sister said, "We're in the only country in the world you can get a plate of bacon without weird looks."

Once we were done eating, we took a cab over to the Mirage so we could see the pretty tigers. However, we got there about an hour early, and ended up walking around there, Treasure Island and The Wynn. The Wynn is super super pretty, but super expensive. Either way, I'd stay there if I had that kind of money.

We then went to see said pretty kitties, and also some pretty dolphins. I bought one of my friend's presents, decided I want a pet dolphin, decided I want to BE a tiger, and came back to the hotel. We were only here long enough for me to change into some leggings, because my dress made me way too self conscious around creepy guys, and we were off again. This time, we were clothes shopping! And shoes. I bought a new pair of flats, runners, 2 hoodies, a Pikachu tshirt, and a Hunger Games shirt. I was definitely most excited about that last one. :P

Finally... we were ready to go back to the hotel. Our hotel has an ice cream place however, so I am currently licking a delicious Java Chip cone right now! Tonight is dinner at the only food place that I truly feel any love for, and some more shopping. And the M&M store.

I miss everybody lots, hope Calgary weather is TONS of fun!

Vegas!

Airplane blogging is most definitely not my preferred blogging style.

I'm currently on the plane to Vegas. I have the window seat, which is always fun. Sadly though, my Gravol (hmm, is that what it's called?) is not putting me to sleep like it usually does. Wiiiiiiide awake.

My sister and I are watching Dancing with the Stars. The guy just made a Charlie Sheen reference. WINNING! I'm obviously the only person who still finds that funny. I still think Friday is funny too though. :D 

A lot of people wouldn't guess this about me, due to my roller coaster addiction, but I get extremely plane sick. That is why I'm taking Gravol. I'm doing decently right now, just a teeny bit of queasiness... I'll be okay though. I'm keeping
 focused on TV and blogging so I am okay.

I'm posting this when we land, and.... I miss Internet. I miss tweeting. :( 

This time tomorrow...

I will be somewhere much warmer. And by much warmer, I mean Las Vegas.

Today was mostly a day of preparation. We started out the day by redyeing my hair. I am a natural blonde, yes, but my natural colour is a dark blonde. I try to keep my hair a medium to light blonde. Therefore, my roots look very obvious unless I dye it. So we did that!

Next, we went shopping, mostly for my mother. She needed a few new tops, and I'm always up for a new dress. So, she got three tshirts, one of which being this really pretty green colour. I got a blue-ish dress that looks adorable on me. Pictures coming from Vegas in it soon. I also picked up another Maureen Johnson book to read on the plane, and my sister finally got around to buying the newest (and last. sob!) Earth's Children book. By Jean Auel. We've definitely been waiting on that book for awhile.

Once we arrived home, it was time for my mother's favourite pre-trip activity: clean the entire house. Not something I rank as highly as her, but necessary none the less. Now my room is all organized, smells nice, and is pretty. Yay!

And on that note, I have to go to school tomorrow morning for my biology and English class. We leave for the airport at three, plane takes off around six. Gotta get through customs and all that though. I'm pretty excited, as it's been nearly 2 years since I've been on a trip! I'll miss everyone though. In my own way.

Nonexistant social skills and making friends.

Most anyone who knows me even the slightest can confirm that fact - I don't know how to act in typical social situations.

That thought has been sitting around in my brain today, as the course registration date for UoL looms closer and closer. I've managed pretty well at not needing to be a people person since I started high school, since I had made from friends in junior high. As for back then, even though my social skills were slightly... stunted, to say the least, I had even managed. I didn't hate people then, I just didn't know how to act.

Before kindergarten, there was about 1 friend I spent time with regularly. She was the daughter of a friend of my parents. I also had to go to daycare one day out of seven (Tuesday's, I think) but I didn't really get along with anyone other than the one already-mentioned friend. I'd love to be able to say "My lack of socializing as a child is the reason I'm so behind!" but I really can't. I probably could have played a bit of catch up. Plus, I spent a lot of time with my parents. So that excuse is invalid.

So if we can't figure out the reason why I'm so socially inept, I guess we can look at the results. I've stayed with the exact same group of 3 friends (myself included) since grade 8, only adding one more in the 10th grade. I can handle making casual acquaintances, but not if they want to do anything outside of spend time together at school. I've stayed away from any school event that could require me to talk to anybody outside of my group of friends. I'm skipping my own grade 12 graduation banquet just so I don't have to see all the people I see in school outside of school.

Now, for me, living this type of lifestyle works. In a high school setting. However, when I move in September, I will be hours away from my three best friends and all of my casual acquaintances. Now, the hard part about moving will not be remaking acquaintances. And in all honesty, I could probably try to survive off just that.

But I kind of like having a few friends. With people I don't know really well, there's so many topics that are off limits (by social norm type things, or just not knowing them enough to talk about it). I don't even remember how I became friends with them. It's been a very very long time since I had to make a friend all on my own- since the 5th grade. I don't remember how to do it.

I'll deal with it, I suppose. It just makes me really nervous that in about 4? 5? months, I'm going to have to start completely from scratch.

Week one- COMPLETE.

Today marks the first week of BEDA done! Yaaaay. We did it guys.

I am now currently sitting in my room, eating cookies, and writing this. I really do lead a thrilling life. You should all be thrilled you get the honour of reading about my day.

I think the first thing I'm going to bring up is that I think the best part about my Friday is when I get home, after I've gotten a big cold bottle of water, something to snack on, and turned my computer on, is opening up my music library. For some reason, deciding what that first song I'm going to listen to is like deciding how I want my weekend to go.

That's probably crazy, but meh.

This weekend was some TV on the Radio, because they're just my favourite and they get me all happy. So right now I'm listening to Wolf Like Me and chair dancing. I definitely know how to have a good time.

I really have no exciting plans this weekend though. Maybe some last minute shopping, and start packing. And massive amount of Minecraft and WoW.

I'd been having a pretty bad craving for chocolate ice cream the past week, so as my reward for finishing my first week of BEDA, I asked my mom to pick me up some and she did! Delicious ice cream is delicious. I really think I could not live without things like ice cream, chocolate, and water. Water is the only one that might be true though.

Is this thing on?

Testing out blogging from my iPad, but there is a chance this may not work as planned. Be warned. If the layout goes completely bonked, I will just repost it from my computer.

Today was a pretty manageable day. I got some more forms from the University of Lethbridge about my course registration, which is only like, 2 weeks away. Terrifying. I'm not completely sure if I am ready for university, but I know that I have to be. So I just deal with it. I just know it's going to be such a massive change from high school. On top of that change, I'll be moving about 2 and a half hours away from Calgary, and the only house I have ever lived in, to a smaller city where I won't know anyone.

Not knowing anyone will be a good chance for a fresh start though. I've never been particularly popular here with the people I go to school with. Getting away from them will be a big step in the right direction of not being an angsty teenager. (That is something I don't consider myself already, though).

Aside from my university turmoil, I had an extremely enjoyable biology test today. Not really though. I'm not going to whine about it, but I am counting down the days left of biology. Definitely not a class I excel at.

Cupcakes, a cat, and a bad day.

First things first: I very obviously forgot to mention the most important detail of my day yesterday, and that needs to be fixed. This very second. I had an amazingly delicious chocolate cupcake in English yesterday. It had purple icing and chocolate-y goodness. My friend Andrea made them and brought one for me and one for Ashley and we ate them and we loved them.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way... That's usually an opening I use when I have something exciting to say. And I really wish I did. I realize now, 6 days into BEDA, why I do not blog this frequently. My life is painfully unexciting, and for me to come up with a creative topic, I must be FEELING creative. Today is not a creative day, nor is it an exciting day.

...I wrote that, felt unmotivated, and walked away from my computer for about 3 hours. I was hoping that would give me something fun to talk about, but it most definitely did not.

I could talk about how adorable my cat is being. He's curled up on my bed, and when I sat down on it, he meowed. Then he turned and looked at me for all of about 2 seconds, before falling back asleep. It doesn't sound as cute as it is to see, I promise.

I don't know guys. I'm not having a good enough day to get the creative juices flowing. I could elaborate on this too. I'm just going to say it's related to biology class and people sucking. I don't wanna call anyone out though. I'm going to play some Robot Unicorn Attack and hope that fixes all the world problems.

We finally bought an iPad!

Yup, you read that right. My sister, mother and I went out after school today and bought the iPad 2.

I've had an iPod Touch since my 16th birthday, so I'm pretty familiar with Apple products. By no means am I fangirl, though, so that may explain why it took us this long to buy an iPad. Yeah, we didn't even get the first one, since I was of the belief it was just a "iPod Touch on drugs". So now we have one, mostly so I have something to do on the plane (and a way to blog while we're not in town. Yes BEDA, I'm not giving up on you!).

Having had an iPod Touch, I know a few apps, so I have a pretty good starting point on ones to get for my iPad. However, if anyone has any suggestions at all, please let me know! I like fun stuff.

As of right now, I am extremely tired. My prediction yesterday was correct- I am getting my mom's cold. So my throat is starting to sound like I am a 90 year old woman, and I have absolutely no energy- meaning this is probably one of the most boring things you've ever read.

I'll stop taking your time after this: I've been considering putting something on the bottom of my posts to track, but have no idea what. Any suggestions for this along with the apps would be appreciated. <3

That terrible moment when you can feel a cold incoming.

My mom has a nasty, icky cold and sore throat right now. She can barely talk, and keeps coughing.

I feel this is important because anyone who knows me will know I tend to get every single cold or flu that comes near me at all. I've already been sneezing a bit, which makes me very concerned that I will be the next victim of the cold my mother has. I really would prefer that didn't happen, seeing as it took me about 3 weeks to fully recover from the last one. Plus, being sick on vacation sucks.

On that note, in exactly a week from the very moment I type this, we will be leaving to go to the airport to leave for Las Vegas. I'm extremely excited, seeing as I was far too sick to enjoy it to the full extent on my last visit. Keep your fingers crossed this time will go better.

I'm still a little sad that my friend and I are both terrible at telling each other when we're going places. Mostly Vegas. I'm going the 11th. He goes the week of the... uhh..

SEE! I don't even know! I just know it's either the week after me, or the week after that. Which is annoying, because it's the second time we've done this. Someday, we'll get to hang out in real life and I can be just as annoying then. I can sing Friday in person!!

Sorry. I'm boring today. I really, really don't mean to be! I'll go back to biology homework now.

Why a good teacher can fix a math hatred

When I started elementary school, I was ahead in a lot of things. I already was a strong reader, I knew how to do some basic math from my sister and father explaining it to me, and I picked up everything else really quickly (except for social skills. Yaaay for no friends growing up!). The reading and learning most things quickly never really went away, thankfully. The math skills, however, did.

I feel like I probably hit my first bump in the third grade. When I was younger, I got nasty colds quite frequently. We learned later it was something wrong with my bronchial tube things. I don't know the details, I just know it still means that terrible cough still hits every year for about a month. But when I was little, it was worse, and it often took me out of school for awhile. I had been out for about two weeks when I came back, and found out my third grade class had done fractions while I was gone.

I still, to this day, don't completely understand how to use fractions. I feel like missing the basics confused me for years, then every time someone would attempt to teach me the basics, I would just shut down, and block them out. It's terrible, and probably what led to the second, larger math bump.

In grade 9, my math class was divided into three sections. For lack of a better name for them, there was a "stupid group", a "medium group" and a "smart group". The stupid group got as much helped as they needed, all the time. The medium got some help. Smart kids did not get ANY help, unless no one in either of the other two groups needed it. I was placed in the smart group, for some reason. I was pulling average grades in math (I was fine at anything that wasn't fraction related) but I was also coded with a "Smart Kid Code" from my IPP. Because I wasn't getting help, or getting my homework checked, I stopped doing any of the work. Meaning I began to fail my tests, and then I had to get a tutor.

Having a tutor helped. It was a friend of mine, and she was my tutor in grade 10 as well, but from that point on (the failing of tests) I began to truly hate math. To try to help myself out, I dropped to the lower level of math for grade 11 and 12 (Applied Math) and it was there that I realized I don't need to be bad at, and hate, math.

I had the same teacher for both years. I'm not gonna name his name due to, you know, privacy reasons, and that could be awkward if he ever found this, but he was awesome. We're gonna call him T. He was the most fun teacher I think I've ever had, and he could explain things so even those of us, like myself, with the largest math blocks, could push through and understand.

I went from my grades only being in the low 70s into high 80s.

I realized I am, in fact, not awful at math. I even have some basics on how to use fractions- or at least, enter them into my calculator properly. I realized I can get good marks in a class that used to make me cry.

Despite the fact I am never, ever taking a math class in my life ever again, I don't cringe at the word "math". Unless it's followed by the word "test".

Waking up at noon isn't as fun as you'd think.

Seriously. It isn't.

My mom got home from New Brunswick yesterday, which meant I was up with her until about 11, when she fell asleep, then I was up until... let's just say it was "very late" before my internet did it's tradition of cutting out so I have to go to bed.

Now I am awake. At noon. Not knowing what to do now that I feel like I wasted the whole day. No matter though, I will hopefully even think of something clever and witty to say.

I actually have a lot of ideas. I thought of them throughout the day yesterday, but I didn't write them down. Sadness. I really wish this wasn't such a fail post. Oh, oh! I have something!

My sister's birthday is tomorrow, which is always exciting. I know what she's getting from myself and my mom. However, I can't post it here. Just in case she stumbles across this. That would prove the statement that people can't trust me with secrets!

Until tomorrow!

That awkward moment when....

You realize you haven't blogged since your dad passed away. Yuuuup, that's me.

Now that we have that awkward moment settled, hey guys! How is everyone? How about that weather? ;)

There. Awkwardness cleared up. I just wanted to let everyone know I'm going to be trying BEDA ((B)log (E)very(d)ay in (A)pril) this year for my first time, and there is a chance I will mess up. A very high chance. Either way, I will be attempting it.

I figured we'll start off slow today. I'll talk about what I've been up to since our last post. On March 9th. Wow.

My dad passed away on the 13th. I was then off school for a week, pretty much just eating massive amounts of Oreo cookies, and moping around. Then I went back to school, realized I can't focus to save my life, and eagerly awaited spring break. I am on spring break now, which just means I am playing way too much World of Warcraft to be healthy, and sleeping in far too late. (When my phone doesn't ring at 8AM in the morning).

My sister, mother and I will be going to Vegas on the 11th until the 15th? I think? But I promise I will try to get posts up then.

I'm not very good at thinking of things to talk about. So if anyone has an suggestions, just let me know in the comments. :)

Would it be cliche to just post a list of song lyrics? Part II

I really almost could think of something more witty and thrilling to post today, I tried so hard. Then I remembered the massive amounts of biology and english homework I have, and realized I didn't want to use the energy I need to conserve for those when I already had a plan for today!

I promise, I'll be original tomorrow. Also, just like last time I will be using the lyrics from the albums, as those are the versions I have. :P There may be live versions with different lyrics.


Joseph Arthur - Tattoo: "I wonder what you must think about me. What I heard is you consider me dead. I guess that's fair of you, I never was good to you. I'm ashamed for making you feel all my pain. When I sleep, sometimes I still think we speak. Is it a dream, is it a dream?"

Camera Obscura - If Looks Could Kill: "Tell me where it all went wrong, maybe I can make it better. Tell me where it all went wrong, don't you know that you really upset her?"

The Postal Service - Nothing Better: "Tell me, am I right to think that there could be nothing better, than making you my bride and slowly growing old together. Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future, your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures."
sidenote about this song: the same lovely artist who I discovered Elliott Smith from? I found him through this.

Say Anything - A Walk Through Hell: "I'd walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes, these soles are useless without you. Through hell for you, let the torturing ensure, my soul is useless without you."

Would it be cliche to just post a list of song lyrics? Part I

Yes, yes it would be. But that is not going to stop me, because all I want to do today is listen to music, feel angsty, and sleep. So now I will just post a line from a song, and the name of it, and the artist.

In interest to try to make this less catering to my own selfish boredom, I won't repeat artists, and I will pretend this is an experience of introducing you to new music. Really. And because of that, I won't even use their super obscure music... as much as I'd love to.

Tegan and Sara - Back in Your Head: "Build a wall of books between us in our bed, repeat, repeat the words I know we both said. Relax into the need, we get so comfortable. Remember when I was so strange and likeable?"

Joanna Newsom - Peach, Plum, Pear: "But it's late in the day, and you're well on your way. What was golden went gray, and I'm suddenly shy."

Elliott Smith - Angeles: "Picking up the ticket shows there's money to be made. Go on lose thr gamble, that's the history of the trade. You add up all the cards left to play to zero. Sign up with evil, Angeles. Don't start me trying now. Because I'm all over it, Angeles. I could make you satisfied in everything you do. All your secret wishes could right now be coming true. Be forever with my poison arms around you."
Edit: Some versions of this song use "poison arms" and some use "broken arms". The album version is poison, that is what I quoted.

Sufjan Stevens - Chicago: "If I was crying, in the van, with my friend. It was for freedom, from myself and from the land. I made a lot of mistakes, I made a lot of mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes, I made a lot of mistakes."

I have more. Really. I can sense this complete lack of creativity will be here tomorrow too. Stay tuned. <3

Weird musical taste the past week.

For the past week or so, I've been listening to different music than usual. I don't have any real reason for it, I just know I haven't turned on Joanna Newsom, or TV on the Radio, and even have listened to less Elliott Smith than should be healthy.

In fact, my musical taste has been strangely reminiscent to my music from junior high. (Other than wrock. I've been listening to a lot of wrock, but that is a very new addiction).

I should elaborate that a little. For most of the 9th grade, the only bands I would listen to were Armor for Sleep, Hawthorne Heights, and Within Temptation. However, once I started high school, their music faded to the background. They did each fade for different reasons though.

Hawthorne Heights was a little bit too...loud for me, I found. Armor for Sleep did as well, mostly since I was listening to acoustic type music. Within Temptation just felt a bit too dark. Hawthorne Heights also seemed a bit too dark.

Lately though, despite not feeling into dark-type music for years, I re listened to Within Temptation and fell back in love. From there, I went back through my old playlists, taking in a few of the songs. Hawthorne Heights was then fallen back in love with too.

As for Armor for Sleep... I used to write a lot of short stories. Like, way too many. I was going through them as well (I was in a reminiscent mood). I found one that I had written about the song The Truth About Heaven. For the record, the story was awful. Absolutely terrible. It was very apparent I had written it when I was 13. xD

I turned the song on while I read, and realized while my writing was terrible, the music wasn't. So I turned on all of the songs I had of theirs, and just remembered how amazing it is, and how deep their lyrics are. Really.

Which makes me a little curious. Has anyone else found themselves just going through music they haven't heard in years and loving it? Or have you gone back and wondered what you were thinking when you bought that stuff? I really would like to know if I'm in the minority.

In which high school is my own personal hell.

I really, really hate high school.

I wasn't this way at first. I spent the first half of grade ten trying my hardest to like it. I tried to make friends. I even tried to not want to smack everyone that pushed me in the hallways between class.

Really, that last thing is next to impossible when you need to go through the Intersection of Death to get to your lunch spot. I still tried!

However, after that first semester, it wasn't working. Infact, it was trying to make friends that ruined quite a few things, such as my boyfriend at the times life. (Really, that song that's like "Don't trust a ho" is so true).

So since then, I have made my personal stance on high school "this place really sucks." Honestly, it does suck. I don't like it at all. And everyday I'm stuck in here makes it even worse. Take today for example. I am in my creative writing class, and my teacher decides we all need a chance to get to know each other. I strongly disagree, so I turn my music up louder and continue working. It turns out we were going around the class and saying something about ourselves.

Needless to say, I did not respond when it got to me.

I wasn't the only one at least. My best friend (HI ERIN!) didn't either. Neither of us are game for that kind of bullshit.

After this lovely, super fun activity, I turn to her and tell her how much I thought that what just happened was painfully stupid. She agrees. The girl beside her, who is exactly the type of girl who has made the last 12 years of my schooling terrible, turns to us and says "Stop being dicks!"

...Excuse me? You want me to stop being rude, when all of you people have never, ever done a nice thing for me? Yeah, right. I'll get right on that.

So we just tell her no. And now I just remembered exactly why I hate high school.

Stupid little bitch.

Why I really wish I could vlog as well as blog.

I spend a lot of my time watching various people on YouTube. As a fun fact, I'm subscribed to 159 channels, with a combination of gaming channels, skit type channels, music channels and vlog channels. Nothing makes me happier though than seeing my favourite vloggers upload something.

I don't know why I like it so much. It just feels like a snapshot of somebody's life that you wouldn't know otherwise, and it is generally thrilling. I like it a lot.

As for why I can't do it, I'm painfully awkward in front of a camera. In fact, anyone who just knows me through the internet, they'd be shocked to meet me in real life, because I just find talking impossible. I'm just... awkward.

I really, really wish I could vlog.

Lack of writing motivation.

Just a pretty short post today, nothing too complicated. Mostly just procastinating working on my novel, or editing. I can't find the energy to look at my old work in the slightest, it's almost painful.

To make matters worse, I have absolutely no new story ideas to start working on. I just feel like I have nothing of any use in my brain to elaborate on, and to work on.

I don't like this feeling.

Proof I'm probably actually crazy.

Did you know as well as planning my wedding, as can be seen in the post here, I also have a general idea about what I want done at my funeral?

Don't get me wrong, I know that's a little crazy. Also, how can someone who has never even been to a funeral know what they want done at theirs? However, I do. I have some ideas. Not down the very last detail, but there are a few definites.

1) Elliott Smith music be played. This should not come as a surprise, but I think it still needs to be stated. Specifically "A Fond Farewell", a live version of "No Name #1" that I really liked (fun fact for people who aren't fans of him- he wrote 6 songs with the name "No Name #_"), and "No Confidence Man". At the very least those, with every single other song to be considered.

2) I don't want people all sadface over me, mostly because that'd make me feel bad. So everyone has to wear purple, because it's my favourite colour, and if they really were doing it for me...

3) Chocolate. Pizza. Cake. That is all.

In which Elliott Smith is the reason for everything good

I think it's a pretty well known fact that I adore Elliott Smith. If it isn't a well known fact, it should be, seeing as I don't think I go a day without listening to at least 3 songs by him. I've listened to nearly everything he released, and know the words to most of it. There isn't a piece that he did that I don't like, and that I can't find meaning in.

However, I really don't think I've explained to everyone just why I love him so much. I figured, though, that I might as well give it a try.

I first discovered Elliott Smith through a video, a cover of his song Angeles, that I will link here. It's actually a very well done cover, and this is coming from someone who hates when people cover songs that mean a lot to them. Upon hearing it, I immediately downloaded the cover, and the original version of Angeles by Elliott Smith. I didn't listen to another song for about a month.

I was in the 10th grade at the time, in my first real, meaningful relationship (doesn't mean I didn't have a teeny bit of a crush of the boy in that video, though ;) ), and didn't quite have a grasp on what kind of person I was yet- including what kind of music I actually enjoyed. It also was right after a major life-changing event for me, which challenged a lot of my preset limits I'd placed for myself. In short, the song was a major impact.

Despite the song affecting me so much, it was still a few months before I looked up more of Elliott Smith's work. It wasn't until January 24th, 2009 that I did. It was the afternoon of the day that the already mentioned boyfriend was going to be flying out to see me for the first time, and I was extremely nervous. I had listened to Angeles a few times, and decided for the first time to look up a few more of his songs on YouTube. I found Miss Misery and Twilight, listened to both of them, and fell in love. I downloaded them and tossed them onto my iPod, and was out the door.

The meet-up definitely did not go as planned, a story that is definitely best saved for a new post. Needless to say though, it was what brought me into the worst two month period of my life. Over the next few days, all I did was listen to the three Elliott Smith songs I had, before I went back to YouTube, typed "Elliott Smith" into the search bar, and listened to new song after new song, clicking "Favorite" as I went. By the time the week was done, I'd found at least half of all of his music, and stopped myself from doing something I'd extremely regret.

So essentially, the reason I really, truly love Elliott Smith so much, is more than just a love for his voice. It's more than a deep connection to his lyrics. It's that without this man's music, I wouldn't even be alive today.

I love you, Elliott. <3