I'm a "What if" kind of person

I will explain what I mean by that a bit better, but I need to start off with a story that made me realize many times, my what if's are never going to be true.

I've been friends with somebody, who we'll refer to as "R" for awhile now. His name does not start with R, stop trying to guess who it is. Anyway, I've known him since late 2008 or early 2009. We met online, as it is with many people that I know. The big difference with R and I was we had something in common- we'd both grown up in the same place.

We hadn't known each other, as he had moved to a completely different continent when he was 8 or 9, meaning I would have been 7 or 8. We'd also lived on completely opposite sides of the city, and my little 8 year old mind couldn't imagine anything bigger than my house and my school- let alone the other side of the city.

We hit it off as pretty good friends right away. Despite the fact our time difference put us about 10 to 12 hours difference, we'd usually see each other every other day or so in game, and especially on weekends.

Now is the point where I have to explain on why I'm such a "What if" person. For most of these friends I make online, such as R, there's a huge distance between us. Physically. Which can sometimes lead to us growing emotionally close. At the point of being such good friends, so emotionally close, I always think to myself "what if they lived here? Would things be different? Would we be different? More?"

Now with the way I worded that, I've now described myself as some desperate loser who just looks for people to hook up with on the internet - and I am most definitely not. I'm not saying this happens with every single person that I talk to. I promise. It's been a very small, select few. However, the small, select few have been enough for me to pick that fact up about myself.

Back to R.

He was one of those people. We stayed this good of friends for a long time. All of 2009. All of 2010, when he graduated high school and took half a year off. Enter 2011. Remember that R grew up at the same place I did, but moved when he was much younger? In early 2011, he moved back to go to college here. And suddenly, my giant "What if he lived here?" was happening.

Nothing did happen. We stayed best friends. We hang out once in awhile in real life. We still talk in game. I still occasionally think to myself "well, what if?" but by now, I do realize nothing well come of it.

Seeing nothing change though has changed a lot of how I look at my other friends. It's changed how I consider myself as well. It's made me think I read into things, because I did genuinely imagine some kind of different outcome. Can't change how things happened this time though.