On being that overly emotional kid we all hate.

Sometimes, I cry over silly things in movies or books that aren't supposed to make me cry.

I cry easily. Everyone who knows me at all knows that. I cry at the normal things movies expect us to cry over of course. It also affects little things though. Little things they add to get a little more of an audience reaction/attachment to the character or plot or something. For example, I finally watched The Princess and the Frog. I'm assuming people have seen it, but obligatory SPOILER WARNING. I pretty much sobbed as soon as it hinted that her dad died, and anytime he was mentioned afterwards. I will admit that I have an overly strong reaction to that sort of thing, seeing as its been less than a year since I lost my dad, but still. I don't think their intention was to turn me into a mess. And don't get me started on when Ray died and became a star up beside "Evangeline." I'm tearing up thinking about it.

And if you think I cried a lot there, don't get me started on Up. Or any Pixar movie, really.

It isn't just movies though. Songs are bad too. I'll often find myself just idly listening to Pandora and BAM, I'm sobbing because some Sufjan Stevens song was more sad than expected. Have you ever heard Romulus by him? I lost it the first time I heard it, likely because of the sad idea of the grandfather dying in a hospital... Even just the other night Casimir Pulaski Day came on and I started crying imagining some poor girl dying of cancer. NOPE. Too sad for me. There are more songs that I cry when I hear then it is normal or healthy.

Pretty much anything can make me cry. Books (there really is a reason I haven't read TFioS yet), songs, movies, blog posts, Internet comics, video games (I LOST IT at the end of Bastion, my god), TV shows (My Little Pony, anyone?) It isn't fun. I'm almost ashamed to do anything in public at risk of sobbing. I was reading a reddit post in my lecture hall and I had to try to hold back sobs. Movie theaters aren't enjoyable because I have to pretend I'm not crying.

I do not like it. At all.

I need a vacation so desperately right now.

I just really, really need to get away from all this.

I just finally got over the worst flu that I've had for years. I spent about six days in bed, getting up only to vomit and feed my cat. It was disgusting and terrible. I feel about 95% better now, meaning I'm still not all the way there! Yay. As a result, I am SUPER behind in all my classes. I missed 3 classes of Religious Studies, Stats, and Sociology. I feel super behind, and I know Linguistics (which I missed 2 classes of) will be just as bad tomorrow.

That means, with my feeling super behind, I also am full of stress and panic. And what do I love more than a vacation away from responsibilities?! NOTHING. That's what. I have a week off of classes in February, my reading week, that I am now back to being super determined to going on a trip during. It helps that I have tons of friends that live all over the USA, however, that doesn't make a difference when you're broke and don't have a job. I'm sort of limited. It is possible to find cheap flights, but I also have an extreme fear of getting lost in airports that I'm not familiar with. So layovers that aren't long enough to keep my anxiety in check... do not sound fun. The main 2 places I've been looking at, sadly, are really really hot places. Both of them have friends I want to visit though... The problem with these being my best options are, if I don't go in February, I won't be able to visit these people until winter at the earliest. I don't operate well in the heat.

There is definitely a (high) chance I won't be able to go somewhere during February. I am extremely terrified of this happening. I don't know why, really, other than my being ill, that I am so ridiculously ready to get the hell out of this place. I might even feel better after going back to Calgary this weekend. Maybe I am just tired of Lethbridge. Maybe I'm just lonely and this is how I plan to fix it, in some weird way. I am lonely. I don't know.

I just want a vacation. :(

I tried to make a less depressing post for today. Ooops.

Sorry about yesterday being so gloomy. I was just not having the greatest day. I tried to make today's better, but I think I failed a little.

I feel slightly less off today, so that's a plus. I've been stressing out over something very silly, and that just made everything that was less silly feel even more intimidating. I'm going to go ahead and blame the fact that my body is now actually having hormones forced into it after about 2 years of that being a non-existent sort of idea. I somehow decided to myself that the best way to push through an anxiety-filled day was to do something that I consider absolutely terrifying. And it actually kind of worked! I was too busy focusing on making that less scary to worry about everything else that could be and was going wrong.

I've still been moping around a bit though. I'm watching Elliott Smith live songs/full concerts on YouTube and just crying a little at how weak and broken he looks during them, particularly during the bad years. It's so sad. I realize the amount of time I spend talking about how much I love Elliott Smith and wish he was still alive is ridiculous and unreasonable, but I just always feel that way. Every single day.

In happy news, our plane tickets to England got confirmed and paid for and stuff! We're going in early May after I finish this semester of classes. It's my first trip with just my sister, and my first trip without my mother, so that's gonna be really fun. Yay! I'm a bit sad I'm not going anywhere during my Reading Week this February like my mom and I were planning to, but that's life. We couldn't find anywhere we were particularly thrilled about going.

I wish I had more happy/exciting news for you guys. Sorry. :(

A few days late, but...

Happy belated New Year, everyone!

I hope everyone had fantastic Christmases. Mine was good. I got the new desk I was desperately in need of, so that's always a bonus. I also got some clothes, including My Little Pony shirts. Now I can proudly show that children's shows are my favourite shows.

I've been feeling a little bit down lately, partly because it's winter and I always get really blah...particularly after the holiday season is done. I can't say that's the main reason though. I'm sure some of you remember my cat Midnight, whom I'd had since the 1st grade. He was a fantastic cat. Always there when I was sad, kept me company but still knew when I needed space. We had to have him put down on December 20th :( It was probably one of the hardest things I'd had to do. He apparently had diabetes we didn't know about, and his pancreas had shut down. Sad. :(

I didn't come here to just whine though. I wanted to say hi1 And be happy! So I hope everyone is doing well, and everyones new semesters (if they've started) are going well. :)

PS: My stupid bookstore didn't bother to get any signed copies of The Fault in our Stars even for pre-orders, so I'm currently a bit grumpy on that too. So I hope other people had better luck. :(

Birthday recap goes "yay"!

So! I had my birthday about a week and a half ago. I turned 18, which is exciting all on its own. The most exciting part of it though was my birthday present from my older sister...

A kitten!!!



His name is Severus, after Severus Snape of course, and his nickname is Sevvi. Funny story actually - the people we got him from said he was a little girl, so I thought Sevvi was a good way to feminize Severus... then we went to the vet and we were corrected. Ooops. Anyway, he's a playful, adorable sweetheart. He looks like a younger version of Midnight, which is both hilarious and terrifying, since he's picking up a lot of the same mannerisms from Midnight since we came home after my classes ended.

I love him so, so much. I bought him a new (green and silver!) collar since we realized the pink doesn't suit him quite as well. ;)

What else have I been up too.... Hmm, on my 18th birthday I went to my first pub and got my first legal drink with my sister and our roommate. Also, chicken wings. That was fun. And the weekend afterwards, two of our friends came down and I went to my first club. It was one of our other friends first time going as well, so the two of us sort of felt awkward and terrified together. Loud music and lots of people acting ridiculously, stereotypically "white college student."

So. That was that.

Being 18 doesn't feel as different as I expected it too. It was like, I expected to instantly feel much older and legal and able to do all of the stuff I'd been wanting to do since I was 15, but nope. No difference. I also haven't talked to absolutely any of the people who made it their life goal to talk to me once I was 18, so that's always funny (and a positive in the case of all but one! D: ).

I hope everybody's holiday season is going well. I'm just about wrapped up my Christmas shopping - just need a few things for my mom and something for my best friend, since he's such a pain to buy for. My exams are coming up next week, so I should be studying for those. Particularly Linguistics. I'm definitely not studying at all yet. Ooops!

This here is a complete and utter waste of both my time and yours!

I was having one of my lonely nights tonight and was a few paragraphs into a self-loathing blog post about being a forever aloner with no friends (it's one of THOSE nights) before I realized I need to get out of that mindset. So here I am. With a cheery post.

I have to wake up at 4:45 tomorrow to register for next semesters classes, meaning I should probably be asleep right now. Sadly, I'm pretty much unable to fall asleep before midnight, so I'm killing time by rewatching my favourite Minecraft video series (the Yogscast, for anyone who is curious). I'm sure how much I keep bursting into giggles at things they say isn't helping my body decide it's sleepy time, or helping my sister fall asleep as her room is right down the hall.

Speaking of next semester, I decided I'm registering for Sociology 1000, Linguistics 2600, Methods and Statistics in Psychology (I forget the number for it) and a history class about politics in Europe from 1750-1914, or something. Nothing terribly exciting, seeing as I'm only taking History 1000, Psychology 1000 and Linguistics 2300 right now. I'm actually doing fairly well gradewise. It's just the social aspect I'm still absolute shit at. The only person in the city I'm friends with is definitely still my sister.

My birthday is also in like, 6 sleeps or something! November 30th! I'll be 18, meaning I can legally vote and drink and all that lovely stuff that comes with adulthood in Alberta. My sister has something planned for my birthday, although I have NO idea what, and then on the weekend after it my mom is coming down, and so is one of me and my sister's friends. So I get to see them and stuff. I'm also going to buy myself a birthday present because STEAM SALES OH MY GOD!

This has been a terrible blog post better suited for my piece of shit tumblr than my real blog, but was posted here because my tumblr only gets 4 sentences max posts.

I have lots of excuses, honest!

I even made the excuses for my ridiculously long absence in a nice, tidy little list that I can show you and elaborate on each point! After you see this, there's no way you can be mad at my disappearance. I hope.

Reasons I've been severely neglecting my lovely blog

1) Reddit
I discovered and gained a full on addiction to reddit. I had heard of the site through two people that usually tend to know things I'll get addicted to, and I actually listened to the second one when he told me I should start going on it. Now that I've started, I can't stop. There are subreddits for EVERYTHING I love - the Slytherin subreddit is full of ridiculously nice snake-type people, for example. Also lots of funny pictures. I'm also not afraid to deny that reddit has COMPLETELY replaced tumblr as my place to waste time.

2) Making a Steam account
Another one of those things that some of my best friends have been after me to do for awhile now. I finally decided to listen to them. I will admit I only have... 8 games right now, but having more games I can waste time on is definitely a bonus, and Steam rocks because it means I can more easily play the games with people. AND ACHIEVEMENTS. I love achievements for no real reason other than they make me happy.
(speaking of steam accounts, if anyone wants to add me, my steam name thing is bumblelikeabee, just let me know if you're adding me before you do!)

3) Skyrim
Sort of a subsection of the "making a Steam account" but has consumed my life this week so much, I felt it deserved its own point. Skyrim is an absolutely fantastic lovely game that I had no intention of playing. I had been listening to my friend go on and on about how excited he was for it to come out for months, and then November 11th rolled around, and he was just playing it and everyone else in the world was playing it and I felt left out. So naturally, I whined to my mother to buy it for me. She did a few days later, and in the 6 days I've had it, I've played 32 hours. I'm doing better than one of my friends - he's played over 100 hours. There is so much to do in this game. I could write a whole blog post about it. Hell, I could write a whole series of blog posts. SUCH A GOOD GAME.

4) Actually doing schoolwork
I know, shocking. I'm actually doing relatively well - my disgusting history essay got a 90%, and most of my midterms ended up in the 80% range. I've actually been putting a little bit of effort into my grades for the first time since like, the 7th grade. Feels weird.


That's about it. I know it doesn't seem like much to anybody else, considering that it's just the normal stuff most people do minus any socializing (I literally don't know anybody in Lethbridge besides my older sister). To me that is a lot of stuff to do all at once, especially considering how much time I love wasting on video games... and reddit.

I actually have another blog post I've been half writing and half deleting for about a month now. I know I consider this to be my place to write down anything and everything that I'm feeling, but this one is just hard to write. It's even harder to imagine posting. One of these days I'll finish it, but since it's me we're talking about, it might now be for another month or two. Sorry about that.

I also considered doing NaNoWriMo this month, until I remembered how ridiculously busy my schoolwork was. Really, I had my essay, a midterm, and 2 assignments I had to do, and by the time I was finished with those, I was too exhausted to imagine trying to work on any of my novel ideas. I know that's a terrible excuse, but I can't handle intense amounts of stress.

I promise I'll try to update sooner guys. I missed this!

I don't think I like university so far.

So, since we last spoke, I moved and started university in a new city. That's exciting! Kind of.

Due to the fact I was painfully lazy in my last year of school, only taking 2 classes and barely working in them, I'm only taking 3 classes for my first semester in university. Psychology, Linguistics and History. Yay.

I haven't decided yet if I like my classes. I don't think I do, if only because I have to do things like wake up early and leave the house to go to them. To do that whole "waking up early" thing, I have to go to bed at earlier than 7am, which was my preferred, usual time all summer. I don't like this much change all at once. Therefore, I do not like the reason for change. The reason for change is university.

I'm sure some people expected me to start going out and socializing and making friends once I started school. I must assure you that is most definitely not the case- my body made sure of that. It decided I needed a disgusting cold right at the start of the year that is lasting about 2 weeks to ensure I don't seem remotely appealing to anybody. That's right, since moving here, I have said hello to literally 2 people outside of my family in real life. One of them doesn't really even count, because I went to school with her before I came here.

Yup. I definitely am living a real college life. ;_;

I miss Calgary. I just want to go home. :(

I got an award?! ME?!

So I log in, start up my blog about my travels, when I check the little box on the bottom of the Blogger homepage (does this box have a name? I like to hope it has a name) and read some of the posts of the people I follow. And oh my goodness, I got chosen by the fantastic Twitch of Twitchverse for the "I Dig Your Blog" award.

I never win awards. This is so exciting.



Thank the person who gave you this award:
Thank you so much Twitch! You were actually one of the first people who followed me, and I love reading your posts. We were BEDA buddies in April :D so many <3s.

Reveal 3 random facts about yourself:

1. I'm probably the only person I know who prefers an e-reader to actual books. So convenient.
   
2. I don't really like gum very much, but if I ever have it in my room, I always chew it compulsively.
3. Despite the amount of time I spend on computers, I'm an awful typer. I never learned how to do it correctly, and while I can type quickly, I make a lot of mistakes.
   

Pass on the award:

I'm not very good at the "pass the award on" thing, as most of the blogs I read don't read mine. I do know the lovely Chi though, who I'd like to pass this on too. She's great and so is her blog. :)

Thanks so much! I'll return to my scheduled Florida posts in a few days. :)

Welcome to Pottermore! (SPOILERS!)

YES! I got my Pottermore letter today. I checked my email as soon as I woke up, and ended up squealing so loudly my mom came running.



If anyone else is on, I'm using MidnightPhoenix157 as my username. Add me as a friend! I didn't manage to screenshot my wand sadly, but I have the screenshot of my main profile page, so I'll post that and just tell you about my wand using the extra information about wand woods and cores. Speaking of extra information, I'm not going to spoil anything, but McGonagall's backstory is my absolute favourite. I loved it so much.




Isn't it pretty? As you can probably guess, I got Slytherin. NO, I DID NOT CHEAT. I answered honestly and my gut on which house I was the whole time was right. I'm a Slytherin!



My wand ended up Larch with Dragon core, eleven and three quarter inches, surprisingly swishy. Apparently, that all boils down to this:

Larch: Strong, durable and warm in colour, larch has long been valued as an attractive and powerful wand wood. Its reputation for instilling courage and confidence in the user has ensured that demand has always outstripped supply. This much sought-after wand is, however, hard to please in the matter of ideal owners, and trickier to handle than many imagine. I find that it always creates wands of hidden talents and unexpected effects, which likewise describes the master who deserves it. It is often the case that the witch or wizard who belongs to the larch wand may never realise the full extent of their considerable talents until paired with it, but that they will then make an exceptional match.
- Taken from Ollivander's notes about wands.

Dragon: As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.
- Also taken from Ollivander's notes about wands.

Overall, I'm pretty excited about Pottermore so far. It's super fun. Brewing potions is fun, and while I'm not completely sold on the casting of spells, I think I'll get there. The artwork is absolutely amazing. I'm loving the "find the various objects" like Chocolate Frog cards and books. There's definitely some work that needs to be done (a bit more interactivity at parts, sound effects) but it's a great experience. Good luck to everyone still waiting for their welcome emails!