I need a vacation so desperately right now.

I just really, really need to get away from all this.

I just finally got over the worst flu that I've had for years. I spent about six days in bed, getting up only to vomit and feed my cat. It was disgusting and terrible. I feel about 95% better now, meaning I'm still not all the way there! Yay. As a result, I am SUPER behind in all my classes. I missed 3 classes of Religious Studies, Stats, and Sociology. I feel super behind, and I know Linguistics (which I missed 2 classes of) will be just as bad tomorrow.

That means, with my feeling super behind, I also am full of stress and panic. And what do I love more than a vacation away from responsibilities?! NOTHING. That's what. I have a week off of classes in February, my reading week, that I am now back to being super determined to going on a trip during. It helps that I have tons of friends that live all over the USA, however, that doesn't make a difference when you're broke and don't have a job. I'm sort of limited. It is possible to find cheap flights, but I also have an extreme fear of getting lost in airports that I'm not familiar with. So layovers that aren't long enough to keep my anxiety in check... do not sound fun. The main 2 places I've been looking at, sadly, are really really hot places. Both of them have friends I want to visit though... The problem with these being my best options are, if I don't go in February, I won't be able to visit these people until winter at the earliest. I don't operate well in the heat.

There is definitely a (high) chance I won't be able to go somewhere during February. I am extremely terrified of this happening. I don't know why, really, other than my being ill, that I am so ridiculously ready to get the hell out of this place. I might even feel better after going back to Calgary this weekend. Maybe I am just tired of Lethbridge. Maybe I'm just lonely and this is how I plan to fix it, in some weird way. I am lonely. I don't know.

I just want a vacation. :(

I tried to make a less depressing post for today. Ooops.

Sorry about yesterday being so gloomy. I was just not having the greatest day. I tried to make today's better, but I think I failed a little.

I feel slightly less off today, so that's a plus. I've been stressing out over something very silly, and that just made everything that was less silly feel even more intimidating. I'm going to go ahead and blame the fact that my body is now actually having hormones forced into it after about 2 years of that being a non-existent sort of idea. I somehow decided to myself that the best way to push through an anxiety-filled day was to do something that I consider absolutely terrifying. And it actually kind of worked! I was too busy focusing on making that less scary to worry about everything else that could be and was going wrong.

I've still been moping around a bit though. I'm watching Elliott Smith live songs/full concerts on YouTube and just crying a little at how weak and broken he looks during them, particularly during the bad years. It's so sad. I realize the amount of time I spend talking about how much I love Elliott Smith and wish he was still alive is ridiculous and unreasonable, but I just always feel that way. Every single day.

In happy news, our plane tickets to England got confirmed and paid for and stuff! We're going in early May after I finish this semester of classes. It's my first trip with just my sister, and my first trip without my mother, so that's gonna be really fun. Yay! I'm a bit sad I'm not going anywhere during my Reading Week this February like my mom and I were planning to, but that's life. We couldn't find anywhere we were particularly thrilled about going.

I wish I had more happy/exciting news for you guys. Sorry. :(

A few days late, but...

Happy belated New Year, everyone!

I hope everyone had fantastic Christmases. Mine was good. I got the new desk I was desperately in need of, so that's always a bonus. I also got some clothes, including My Little Pony shirts. Now I can proudly show that children's shows are my favourite shows.

I've been feeling a little bit down lately, partly because it's winter and I always get really blah...particularly after the holiday season is done. I can't say that's the main reason though. I'm sure some of you remember my cat Midnight, whom I'd had since the 1st grade. He was a fantastic cat. Always there when I was sad, kept me company but still knew when I needed space. We had to have him put down on December 20th :( It was probably one of the hardest things I'd had to do. He apparently had diabetes we didn't know about, and his pancreas had shut down. Sad. :(

I didn't come here to just whine though. I wanted to say hi1 And be happy! So I hope everyone is doing well, and everyones new semesters (if they've started) are going well. :)

PS: My stupid bookstore didn't bother to get any signed copies of The Fault in our Stars even for pre-orders, so I'm currently a bit grumpy on that too. So I hope other people had better luck. :(