BEDA: In which I rant about something.

Very sorry to make today a rant. I just have something I have to say today.

IF YOU ARE SOMEONE (I've only seen this behavior from males about females, so excuse my pronouns today!) THAT THINKS BEING NICE EARNS YOU A CHANCE FOR SEX OR A RELATIONSHIP, YOU ARE NOT A "NICE GUY". YOU ARE SEXIST AND DO NOT RESPECT THE PERSON YOU CLAIM TO BE IN LOVE/LIKE WITH.

Good. Glad that's off my chest. I think I'm going to have to elaborate a bit. In the past 24 hours, I have had TWO males whine about this to me. The first was the one that pissed me off the most and is probably why I've been a little touchy today. Almost a direct quote here: "I'm just so tired of being such a nice guy and seeing all these douchebags with hot girlfriends!"

The italics are there just to show these fuckers ACTUALLY think they're NICE. You think putting someone on an idealized pedestal, while instantly judging their "douchebag"boyfriend, makes you nice? It doesn't! You're basically saying "WAAAAH I DESERVE A HOT GIRL TOO CAUSE I THINK I'M NICE AND STUFF, SO I'M GOING TO INSULT EVERY OTHER GUY THAT DOES HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!!" It just does not work like that. What you're really doing is not being nice, but instead becoming friends with girls intentions that just... just are not friendship-y ones. They're manipulative, "I want to fuck you" intentions. And god forbid she doesn't return your feelings, since she views you AS A FRIEND SINCE THAT IS HOW YOU PRESENTED YOURSELF TO HER, now Mr. Nice Guy is in the dreaded friendzone!! OH NO. That must give him the right to complain about how all woman are bitches for not loving him and wanting him since he was their friend!!!

Okay. I'm done. I can't talk about this anymore without wanting to shoot someone. I'm just so... pissed off. I don't think I can handle any more misogyny today. Can someone direct me to the land of equality?

In other news, I found my daddy's wedding ring, so I'm wearing that now. It's a men's ring so it looks a little odd on me I think, since it's big and gold, but I like it. It makes me happy. Also in exciting news of today, I have cat ears! And a little bow! And a tail! And I'm so cute! And excited! I also have my next hair color decided and bought, I just am waiting another week or 2. There was also a new version of Alameda by Elliott Smith posted today and it was great. It wasn't a TON different, but the changes that are...different... are great. Can you believe it would have been his 43rd birthday, if he was still alive, on August 6th? It's just weird. I don't know if I'll ever be over him dying. :(

Until tomorrow, everyone! <3

This here is a complete and utter waste of both my time and yours!

I was having one of my lonely nights tonight and was a few paragraphs into a self-loathing blog post about being a forever aloner with no friends (it's one of THOSE nights) before I realized I need to get out of that mindset. So here I am. With a cheery post.

I have to wake up at 4:45 tomorrow to register for next semesters classes, meaning I should probably be asleep right now. Sadly, I'm pretty much unable to fall asleep before midnight, so I'm killing time by rewatching my favourite Minecraft video series (the Yogscast, for anyone who is curious). I'm sure how much I keep bursting into giggles at things they say isn't helping my body decide it's sleepy time, or helping my sister fall asleep as her room is right down the hall.

Speaking of next semester, I decided I'm registering for Sociology 1000, Linguistics 2600, Methods and Statistics in Psychology (I forget the number for it) and a history class about politics in Europe from 1750-1914, or something. Nothing terribly exciting, seeing as I'm only taking History 1000, Psychology 1000 and Linguistics 2300 right now. I'm actually doing fairly well gradewise. It's just the social aspect I'm still absolute shit at. The only person in the city I'm friends with is definitely still my sister.

My birthday is also in like, 6 sleeps or something! November 30th! I'll be 18, meaning I can legally vote and drink and all that lovely stuff that comes with adulthood in Alberta. My sister has something planned for my birthday, although I have NO idea what, and then on the weekend after it my mom is coming down, and so is one of me and my sister's friends. So I get to see them and stuff. I'm also going to buy myself a birthday present because STEAM SALES OH MY GOD!

This has been a terrible blog post better suited for my piece of shit tumblr than my real blog, but was posted here because my tumblr only gets 4 sentences max posts.

On Osama

Last night, I tabbed to my twitter page, and was spammed with the following message:

"Osama bin Laden is dead!!!!"

It quickly became a trending topic, and more news about what really happened was revealed. Obama made a speech about it. I realize everyone in the world and their mother knows this stuff, so I won't get into it. I'm just going to say some of my thoughts on what I think might come next.

To the people that followed him, the way he was killed is going to look like an assassination. It's going to look like he was quietly hiding out and was struck down. It's going to make his followers more angry, and likely cause a retaliation attack.

I really have no idea what that could mean. It makes me nervous to even think about having a group of angry terrorists made even more angry. I do think his death was necessary, and the way it was done also probably was. Osama didn't seem like the type to ever let them take him alive and hold a trial for information or some sort.

Definite /salute to Obama for organizing this death and making it happen. I know this isn't ever going to repair all of the damage done to the families and friends of 9-11 victims, but having the killer dead is a good step.

In which high school is my own personal hell.

I really, really hate high school.

I wasn't this way at first. I spent the first half of grade ten trying my hardest to like it. I tried to make friends. I even tried to not want to smack everyone that pushed me in the hallways between class.

Really, that last thing is next to impossible when you need to go through the Intersection of Death to get to your lunch spot. I still tried!

However, after that first semester, it wasn't working. Infact, it was trying to make friends that ruined quite a few things, such as my boyfriend at the times life. (Really, that song that's like "Don't trust a ho" is so true).

So since then, I have made my personal stance on high school "this place really sucks." Honestly, it does suck. I don't like it at all. And everyday I'm stuck in here makes it even worse. Take today for example. I am in my creative writing class, and my teacher decides we all need a chance to get to know each other. I strongly disagree, so I turn my music up louder and continue working. It turns out we were going around the class and saying something about ourselves.

Needless to say, I did not respond when it got to me.

I wasn't the only one at least. My best friend (HI ERIN!) didn't either. Neither of us are game for that kind of bullshit.

After this lovely, super fun activity, I turn to her and tell her how much I thought that what just happened was painfully stupid. She agrees. The girl beside her, who is exactly the type of girl who has made the last 12 years of my schooling terrible, turns to us and says "Stop being dicks!"

...Excuse me? You want me to stop being rude, when all of you people have never, ever done a nice thing for me? Yeah, right. I'll get right on that.

So we just tell her no. And now I just remembered exactly why I hate high school.

Stupid little bitch.

Happiness is not genetic.

I just wanted to clear this up for people some people: just because my sister and mother are both wonderful at being happy, doesn't mean I am. Yet just because I have my off days, doesn't mean I'm a basket case who is to be avoided.

I've never claimed to be a particularly emotionally stable. This is not some kind of cry for attention, as I really am typically content, even happy. I just never claimed to be good at it. There are days where getting out of bed and brushing my teeth is a painful chore. There are days I can't sleep because of the overwhelming fear of what will be there when I wake up.

But that isn't most days. I do get up most days, and I do deal with it. I'm not even horrible to be around on those days. Even pretty fun at times. On the bad days that aren't bad enough to justify hiding from the world, I even try my hardest to at not least wallow in my unhappiness with other people.

I say this because yesterday was not a good day. It wasn't the worst, at all. But it's not something I'd rank as the best. I dealt with it, and I didn't force it onto anyone else. Maybe I didn't do it the best I could have, but I did try. Perhaps it worked, perhaps it didn't.

Today is better. I just wish people realized I can't always be better. There are limits to what I can do.