Gerard Smith, we'll miss you, man.

On the 20th this month, the bassist of TV on the Radio, Gerard Smith, passed away from lung cancer. At age 34.

About a month before this, it'd been announced he wasn't going to be going on tour with the rest of the band. It was said then that he was battling lung cancer. It also said he had health insurance and was receiving excellent care. I already was scared then. I know lung cancer doesn't just "go away."

After that, I didn't hear anything about Gerard. I just sent the band my best wishes.

Finding out Gerard hadn't made it even a month though hit me very hard. Hell, it's even hard to try to type this. I'd been listening to their newest album when I decided to look at the TV on the Radio website, and saw this:

"We are very sad to announce the death of our beloved friend and bandmate, Gerard Smith, following a courageous fight against lung cancer. Gerard passed away the morning of April 20th, 2011. We will miss him terribly." - TV on the Radio

We will miss him terribly.

Going through various articles posted since his death makes the pain of it seem more real. It actually happened. I'm scared for what might happen to my favourite band now. I can't imagine how much pain they're going through. Gerard was a friend to them.

On videos I've seen of their live performances, Gerard always was in the back. Facing away, towards his amp. The first time I saw a video of it, I was a bit confused. I still to this day don't understand if it was something related to bass sound (I'm not a musician) or if maybe he was just shy. Either way, watching one of the videos now and just seeing him there, in the back, playing his bass, fills my eyes with tears.

RIP Gerard. <3

Would it be cliche to just post a list of song lyrics? Part II

I really almost could think of something more witty and thrilling to post today, I tried so hard. Then I remembered the massive amounts of biology and english homework I have, and realized I didn't want to use the energy I need to conserve for those when I already had a plan for today!

I promise, I'll be original tomorrow. Also, just like last time I will be using the lyrics from the albums, as those are the versions I have. :P There may be live versions with different lyrics.


Joseph Arthur - Tattoo: "I wonder what you must think about me. What I heard is you consider me dead. I guess that's fair of you, I never was good to you. I'm ashamed for making you feel all my pain. When I sleep, sometimes I still think we speak. Is it a dream, is it a dream?"

Camera Obscura - If Looks Could Kill: "Tell me where it all went wrong, maybe I can make it better. Tell me where it all went wrong, don't you know that you really upset her?"

The Postal Service - Nothing Better: "Tell me, am I right to think that there could be nothing better, than making you my bride and slowly growing old together. Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future, your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures."
sidenote about this song: the same lovely artist who I discovered Elliott Smith from? I found him through this.

Say Anything - A Walk Through Hell: "I'd walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes, these soles are useless without you. Through hell for you, let the torturing ensure, my soul is useless without you."

Would it be cliche to just post a list of song lyrics? Part I

Yes, yes it would be. But that is not going to stop me, because all I want to do today is listen to music, feel angsty, and sleep. So now I will just post a line from a song, and the name of it, and the artist.

In interest to try to make this less catering to my own selfish boredom, I won't repeat artists, and I will pretend this is an experience of introducing you to new music. Really. And because of that, I won't even use their super obscure music... as much as I'd love to.

Tegan and Sara - Back in Your Head: "Build a wall of books between us in our bed, repeat, repeat the words I know we both said. Relax into the need, we get so comfortable. Remember when I was so strange and likeable?"

Joanna Newsom - Peach, Plum, Pear: "But it's late in the day, and you're well on your way. What was golden went gray, and I'm suddenly shy."

Elliott Smith - Angeles: "Picking up the ticket shows there's money to be made. Go on lose thr gamble, that's the history of the trade. You add up all the cards left to play to zero. Sign up with evil, Angeles. Don't start me trying now. Because I'm all over it, Angeles. I could make you satisfied in everything you do. All your secret wishes could right now be coming true. Be forever with my poison arms around you."
Edit: Some versions of this song use "poison arms" and some use "broken arms". The album version is poison, that is what I quoted.

Sufjan Stevens - Chicago: "If I was crying, in the van, with my friend. It was for freedom, from myself and from the land. I made a lot of mistakes, I made a lot of mistakes. I made a lot of mistakes, I made a lot of mistakes."

I have more. Really. I can sense this complete lack of creativity will be here tomorrow too. Stay tuned. <3

Weird musical taste the past week.

For the past week or so, I've been listening to different music than usual. I don't have any real reason for it, I just know I haven't turned on Joanna Newsom, or TV on the Radio, and even have listened to less Elliott Smith than should be healthy.

In fact, my musical taste has been strangely reminiscent to my music from junior high. (Other than wrock. I've been listening to a lot of wrock, but that is a very new addiction).

I should elaborate that a little. For most of the 9th grade, the only bands I would listen to were Armor for Sleep, Hawthorne Heights, and Within Temptation. However, once I started high school, their music faded to the background. They did each fade for different reasons though.

Hawthorne Heights was a little bit too...loud for me, I found. Armor for Sleep did as well, mostly since I was listening to acoustic type music. Within Temptation just felt a bit too dark. Hawthorne Heights also seemed a bit too dark.

Lately though, despite not feeling into dark-type music for years, I re listened to Within Temptation and fell back in love. From there, I went back through my old playlists, taking in a few of the songs. Hawthorne Heights was then fallen back in love with too.

As for Armor for Sleep... I used to write a lot of short stories. Like, way too many. I was going through them as well (I was in a reminiscent mood). I found one that I had written about the song The Truth About Heaven. For the record, the story was awful. Absolutely terrible. It was very apparent I had written it when I was 13. xD

I turned the song on while I read, and realized while my writing was terrible, the music wasn't. So I turned on all of the songs I had of theirs, and just remembered how amazing it is, and how deep their lyrics are. Really.

Which makes me a little curious. Has anyone else found themselves just going through music they haven't heard in years and loving it? Or have you gone back and wondered what you were thinking when you bought that stuff? I really would like to know if I'm in the minority.

In which Elliott Smith is the reason for everything good

I think it's a pretty well known fact that I adore Elliott Smith. If it isn't a well known fact, it should be, seeing as I don't think I go a day without listening to at least 3 songs by him. I've listened to nearly everything he released, and know the words to most of it. There isn't a piece that he did that I don't like, and that I can't find meaning in.

However, I really don't think I've explained to everyone just why I love him so much. I figured, though, that I might as well give it a try.

I first discovered Elliott Smith through a video, a cover of his song Angeles, that I will link here. It's actually a very well done cover, and this is coming from someone who hates when people cover songs that mean a lot to them. Upon hearing it, I immediately downloaded the cover, and the original version of Angeles by Elliott Smith. I didn't listen to another song for about a month.

I was in the 10th grade at the time, in my first real, meaningful relationship (doesn't mean I didn't have a teeny bit of a crush of the boy in that video, though ;) ), and didn't quite have a grasp on what kind of person I was yet- including what kind of music I actually enjoyed. It also was right after a major life-changing event for me, which challenged a lot of my preset limits I'd placed for myself. In short, the song was a major impact.

Despite the song affecting me so much, it was still a few months before I looked up more of Elliott Smith's work. It wasn't until January 24th, 2009 that I did. It was the afternoon of the day that the already mentioned boyfriend was going to be flying out to see me for the first time, and I was extremely nervous. I had listened to Angeles a few times, and decided for the first time to look up a few more of his songs on YouTube. I found Miss Misery and Twilight, listened to both of them, and fell in love. I downloaded them and tossed them onto my iPod, and was out the door.

The meet-up definitely did not go as planned, a story that is definitely best saved for a new post. Needless to say though, it was what brought me into the worst two month period of my life. Over the next few days, all I did was listen to the three Elliott Smith songs I had, before I went back to YouTube, typed "Elliott Smith" into the search bar, and listened to new song after new song, clicking "Favorite" as I went. By the time the week was done, I'd found at least half of all of his music, and stopped myself from doing something I'd extremely regret.

So essentially, the reason I really, truly love Elliott Smith so much, is more than just a love for his voice. It's more than a deep connection to his lyrics. It's that without this man's music, I wouldn't even be alive today.

I love you, Elliott. <3